Other Side of the Coin
by shuusetsu
Summary: Onodera Ritsu died in a hit and run accident. Takano finally started moving on. But just when he was already letting go, Ritsu appeared once more...But no it wasn't Ritsu at all and it shook Takano's core.
1. Red is for Hatred

I really think that this story is interesting. But I may be biased since I am the one doing the writing, so I am leaving you guys to be the judge. The path I chose with this fic may not be to your liking at the very start, since I already killed Ritsu. Anyway, it's a product of my imagination and I still very much want to explore AND share things.

Finally, (lol), I am the kind of person who wants to go left when everyone goes right. My excitement with this story is as high as the sky. This will probably be a shorter fic, but I hope you give it a try.^^

With no further ado, here's the Other Side of the Coin…Enjoy!

* * *

**Run and End your Daydreaming...**

**RED IS FOR HATRED**

_He was not the first person I ever went out with, but he was my first love. That's why letting go, forgetting and moving on is taking me grave efforts._

_My Ritsu died young. Just when he was already starting to open up and be more honest with his feelings towards me, the hands of events took him from me in an instant._

_His death was pure accident, with the details too painful for me to even think of. If I could, I would give everything just to reverse the situation or better yet, be in his place instead._

_I fell into depression, alcohol and cigarette became my refuge. It was like the end of the world. Why is it that when you're trying to grasp what you really desire, life has its way of getting into your way turning everything for the worse?_

_Now two years after his death, I finally decided to move on. Truth be told, it hurts so much, very…very much. If I could, I would live the rest of my life in his memories, even though the time we spent together was just short. But I know if he could talk to me right now, he would scold me in that high, irritated voice while fidgeting and reddening…I still miss those reactions from him._

_My love, Ritsu…I am letting go of you now. But always remember my heart is forever yours. I don't know if I could still ever fall in love again. When you died, a part of me went straight together with you in the grave. My heart will never beat again as much as it did for you. _

_I will stop dwelling in your memories now. I know that's what you want me to do in the first place, wherever you are. I will move on now with my strength barely holding out...do not worry about me anymore._

_Ritsu…may you rest in peace…_

* * *

"From whom could this be coming from?" Takano asked himself tapping his red marker on the table. The storm of a cycle just ended and everyone in the Shoujo Manga editing department was having a moment of relaxation finally.

Kisa Shouta rested his head on his now clean, sparkling table, almost to tears. "Ahh…another hell cycle done…I can finally relax…eh?" Kisa suddenly sat back on his chair staring at the fiery red rose Takano was holding.

"Takano-san…could it be that you already have someone…" Kisa stopped when Hatori threw a glare at him. "Ah…did someone give you a rose Takano-san? Valentines is still far away though…" he said scratching his head, nervous that it might make their Chief editor depressed again after the long time he spent on recovering from Onodera Ritsu's untimely death.

Takano threw the bloody rose with a black ribbon tied on it on his table and sighed. He tried to fix first some of the manuscripts he was starting to check before replying to Kisa. The Chief Editor really didn't want to be left with doing nothing.

"No…I picked it up from 'his' grave," He answered still shuffling in his drawer. Kisa thought Takano was still trying to avoid the talk about anything related to Ritsu's death but, he soon discovered he was wrong. After a couple of rustling, Takano then pulled a bunch of wilted, dried roses with black ribbons attached to it on the table.

Mino-san who just finished a phone call, Hatori who just finished scolding Yoshikawa Chiharu via cell phone and Kisa who was staring at Takano got their interests strummed by the number of dried roses on Takano's table.

Kisa stood from his seat and picked up one, inspecting it closely, tugging the ribbon then twirling the almost black rose. "Takano-san…why do you have so many of this? The black ribbon gives me the creeps!"

Hatori looked at Kisa then at the flowers too while Mino-san stood behind Kisa having his own thoughts.

Takano sighed seeing that his team was so interested to know what was with the wilted roses. "A month after Ritsu's death, I went to visit him, you know we're always busy but I try to visit his grave at least even once a month, and each time I go there, there is always a red rose with black ribbon on his tomb."

Kisa's face showed clear surprise. "Every month? Don't you have any idea who could be leaving these…" Kisa touched a fallen petal, "…these creepy roses?"

Takano creased his brows. "None. I already tried asking some of his relatives about a rose, but they don't have any idea about it," the man suddenly gave each one of the men a questioning look. "These didn't come from any one of you, correct?"

The three jerked their heads sideways in unison.

Kisa couldn't take his eyes off the roses despite him having the chills. He picked up the very recent one, which was still bloody red and frowned. "You know Takano-san, a red doesn't only symbolizes love. It also means hatred. And this ribbon…it'slike whoever is leaving these roses got a huge hatred towards Ricchan and it's as if he's saying; 'Good thing you're there already…'."

Takano gave a stern look at Kisa. "I don't think anyone would be hating Ritsu, as stupid as he was."

"Ah…HAHAHA…right…maybe it's just a prank," Kisa said backing away.

"Kisa-san, you're imagination is pretty wild today," Mino-san said going back to his seat.

* * *

"Ah-of all the days it could be raining…why today?" Takano grunted as he slowly made his way to Ritsu's grave. With his other hand holding a bouquet of Lilies, the other one gripping the umbrella, he trudged his way to the place he surprisingly felt calm. He finally had the courage to move on and continue living and visiting Ritsu's grave has become a habit that started two years ago.

It was quiet except the continues drum of the rain falling on the pavement and the tombs. With a foggy way, Takano inhaled, absorbing that at that time, it was just him in that area. No other visitors, no other people. He can have Ritsu for himself under this rain, tell him what was going on with the editing department, and how Yokozawa confessed to him that he was going out with somebody.

He smiled, imagining the kind of face his Ritsu would make if he heard the news. And so, smiling alone, he continued walking. Making a left turn to the row of old style tombs, only a couple of minutes and he would be standing in front of Ritsu's grave.

Takano looked at his drenched shoes and at the tomb he was passing by. "Are you cold, Ritsu?" He murmured in the rain, thinking that the body of the man he loved six feet below the ground was soaked by the water seeping inside his casket.

When he raised his head, he froze.

* * *

He saw a red flower being tossed to the grave without so much care. It was as if whoever the man was, was just tossing garbage. The rose made some turns, the black ribbon, dancing on air, and fell pathetically on the place just below Ritsu's name.

Takano's body, tensed with anger at how disrespectful and rude the person was being towards his Ritsu. He fumed in anger even more when he noticed the smile forming on the profile of the man.

Gripping the Lilies so tightly his palm turned white, Takano walked briskly towards the man standing in front of Ritsu's grave, splashing water everywhere.

"Hoi! Who the hell are you!?" Takano hissed, leaving a good distance between them.

The man didn't look at him right away. And despite the fact that it was raining, the rude guy didn't have an umbrella with him. His profile was being hidden by ebony, black hair dripping wet from the rain.

"Are you deaf or what?" Takano asked again.

The guy inserted his hands inside his leather pants and slowly turned his head to look at Takano's way.

Suddenly, the air got stuck inside Takano's throat. He lost his grip on his umbrella and Lilies. He felt he has gone crazy as he stared with wide eyes at the man's face.

"Is this hallucination? My eyes playing tricks on me? Have I gone crazy…" Takano's brain rattled.

He was staring at Onodera Ritsu's face. The face that should have been lying in the grave. The face of the man he so badly wanted to spend his life with but died in an accident. Why was that face staring back at him in those cold, ruthless eyes?

Takano dashed at the man and gripped him on both shoulders with shaking hands. _If this is hallucination…I wouldn't be able to touch him._

But there he was, holding the man, feeling his warmth against the cold rain, the devilish grin still plastered on his Ritsu's face.

"Ritsu…" the man in confusion uttered in a pained voice. Whether he was crying or not, only the rain knew.

The man with Ritsu's face frowned in disgust. "Dare calling me in that name again and I'll rip your tongue out."

That familiar voice, sent shivers down his spine, his head in a bubble of questions.

Speechless, Takano stared at the emerald eyes, searching for answers, unaware that his fingers were already digging hardly on the man's flesh.

"Oww!" The guy shrieked, slapping Takano's hands away hard, Takano flinched. His Ritsu never hit him like that. He never would. "Fuck off!"

Crushed with the way his Ritsu was talking to him, Takano took a step forward, raised his hand, and slowly, delicately touched the man's cold cheeks.

The man rolled his eyes then backed off laughing. "The hell? What do you think I am? An apparition or something?"

Black leather sleeveless shirt glistened against the rain. The echo of the familiar voice filled Takano's ears. And then the man looked at the grave and spat on it. "Ritsu, is this your fucking lover?" He then nodded in understanding as if the tomb answered. He walked towards Takano and raised his head so close their faces almost touching.

"Too bad Mister…I am not your 'beloved, pure, dearest, Ritsu'…so don't go crying on me it's disgusting," he whispered on Takano's mouth.

Baffled, caught in utter confusion, Takano, for the first time in a long time, lost his control, he felt his legs would give out.

True, the man has Ritsu's face. But he wasn't Ritsu. The man had black hair, he had piercings on his left brow, he had a black rose tattoo on his left arm. But the thing that totally showed he was not Ritsu was the way how the man's eyes were. They were emerald, but they were the eyes of someone who had all the hardships in the world. Someone who had anger and hatred surrounding him.

He was not his Ritsu.

Brushing his wet bangs away from his eyes, the man sighed. "Ah—I got busted by the lover…what a drag." Then he looked at Takano straight in the eyes with a blank expression.

"Nice to meet the lover though…you haven't heard anything about me?" The guy squinted. "Oh well…they treated me anyway as if I didn't exist," he said more like to himself. Then the man bowed his head, his hand clutching his chest.

"Uhm…senpai…"

Takano felt himself jumping out of his skin at the facial expression, at the voice…at the exactness of how the imposter copied his Ritsu.

The guy laughed hard, bending, holding his stomach as he laughed his head out. "I got you there! Man, you should have seen your face!"

"Who are you?!" Takano yelled broken.

The black-haired guy smiled and pointed at himself. "Me? Nothing special," he looked at the grave. "Just the good for nothing twin brother of the skeleton there..." he snorted. "My name? Onodera Retsu."

* * *

Chapter End Notes:

YEY! SO YUP..YOU JUST MET **RITSU'S** TWIN BROTHER **RETSU! ( AND THEY'RE COMPLETELY, EXACTLY A COPY OF ONE ANOTHER. THEY'RE IDENTICAL TWINS) they're like black and white.**

**AND IF RITSU WAS THE WHITE, RETSU, DEFINITELY IS THE BLACK.**

LOVE LOTS!

ja~~~!(≧∇≦)

WHAT DO YOU THINK? leave a review onegai! ^^


	2. Opposites

Okay friends...to those who gave this fic a chance...muahaha..let's go deeper into **RETSU**...^^

* * *

_Twins can be the most contracting fellows._

* * *

**Opposites**

The rain seeped through Takano's black polo shirt down to his jeans. Every muscle in his body had gone frozen at the sight of the man with Ritsu's face. It was as if he was having a hard time figuring out, why such an important matter such as this, Ritsu having a brother, a twin at that, wasn't disclosed to him by his Ritsu.

_"This is absurd…"_ Takano whispered under his breath.

Meanwhile, Ritsu's twin brother Retsu's expression turned from a teasing one to a face of someone who was speaking about something bottled up for the longest time.

"You did fall in love with him, didn't you?" Retsu asked in a cold voice as his slender fingers twirled his locks, his green eyes piercing as if burning a hole on Takano's face.

As much as Takano wanted to deny it, the fact that the man in front of him, wearing ridiculously tight leather pants and leather sleeveless shirt with a smug face can shake his cool other that Ritsu, he couldn't stop his heart from beating violently. As if anytime, his heart would jump out from his throat. Thumping loudly, his blood rushing to his every nerve waking him that the person he was seeing in front of him wasn't a product of his imagination. He was a real human being.

Takano, inhaled from his mouth and slowly released the tension out from his nose. "_What kind of a question is that?"_

Having walked a little closer towards Takano, Retsu frowned first and lifted his hand. With his index finger, he started tracing the contours of Takano's face, stopping at the end of his jawline. Takano tried his best to stop from reacting, although the tip of Retsu's fingers was hot against his skin. The black haired guy stared hard at Takano's lips before lifting his gaze up to meet Takano's uncomfortable eyes.

With an expressionless face, Retsu blinked a couple of times to ward off the rain on his lashes. "I hate Ritsu from the bottom of my heart," He said in a voice just barely a whisper. He leaned closer, "I very much hate _you_ as well."

_'Me'? _

Despite the confusion Retsu was causing him, Takano pulled himself together from shock. He abruptly grabbed the thin wrist raised to his face. Without removing his hazel eyes against the green familiar ones, his hold grew tighter, his brows meeting into a frown.

"Hate me? Aren't you being childish here?" Takano countered, his anger rising. "Why are you doing such an impolite thing towards someone who's already dead?" he somehow flinched at how he was addressing his Ritsu. "I don't know what's your problem, and I don't want to act rude towards you since you're Ritsu's twin brother. So you better stop the red-rose act. Or it will really be a problem for the both of us."

Retsu eyes darted at the grave and at his wrist, then finally looked at Takano. His thin lips formed a sad smile. Mysteriously, the smile gave the taller man a pang of sudden guilt and sadness. Why?

"I will hate Ritsu until I die," the shorter one replied without blinking. When Takano frowned deeper in irritation, Retsu looked down. "He took everything from me. He took," Retsu released a sigh and met Takano's eyes once more. _"…_he took_ e-ve-ry-thing."_ He continued emphasizing the last word, as if to point out what he really meant.

Sniffing, Retsu wiped his face with his free hand, bowing more to hide the embarrassing tears forming at the corners of his eyes. Takano felt a little shaking from the man in front of him. But he didn't let go of the wrist he was still holding.

They stood in front of Ritsu's grave for a long time without speaking. The pelting rain, their breaths surrounded them. Takano looked at the black head in front of him, thinking why this man hates his beloved Ritsu. Takano grunted when Retsu slapped his hand away out of nowhere. The man took a couple of steps backwards like a cornered prey by a hungry predator.

Massaging the warm sensation Takano's hold left on his tender skin, Retsu smiled haughtily. He looked at the grave once more and faced Takano with an expression that made Takano's already calming rage heat up more.

"Saga…senpai…"

Takano felt his body grow stiff. His face showed complete anger. Why was the bastard kept on imitating the same facial expressions, the same tone of his Ritsu? How did he even know he was…'Saga'?

"…Saga senpai, you're so funny," with that, Retsu turned his back from Takano. "The feelings I had for you from far away, way back in high school were real…yet…you didn't recognize me."

Throwing a final glare full of hatred at Takano, with an expression like he was just betrayed, he smiled suddenly but with a mix of accusation. "You didn't recognize me…and got together with him instead," he nodded at the grave. "That's the most hurtful part."

He then ran with his boots leaving a rhythmic sound against the blocks, against the rain, against the awkwardness. In an instant, Ritsu's twin brother disappeared from Takano's sight, leaving the man in utter confusion.

Takano continued staring at the place where Retsu disappeared and massaged his temples. _'What's going on?'_

The cold started to affect Takano. He shivered a little while picking up the drenched Lilies and his umbrella. Carefully setting up the Lilies and again removing the ill-meant red rose, he lightly touched the engraved name on the marble; Onodera Ritsu.

"Ritsu…what's going on…?"

* * *

"Good work today, Takano-san!" Kisa greeted pulling his bag off his table.

"Good work, see you tomorrow," Takano nodded, placing the manuscript he was checking down. He didn't notice that it was already that late.

He roamed his eyes at the dim floor. He ran a hand on his hair before starting to gather his belongings. He would go home, drop by a convenience store to buy some booze. Only a few steps and he would be out the area and onto the elevator, but he found himself glued in front of the chair, which Ritsu used when he was still alive. With his face hidden behind the shadows, he ran his hand on the soft fabric, tracing, feeling, searching.

* * *

He pulled open the car door, sighed and pressed on the accelerator. Leaving Marukawa Publishing and be the Takano, who was still trying to forget and move on, and not the Takano who was the Editor-in-Chief.

When Ritsu was still alive, he preferred using the trains. That way, he can pretend they met in an accident, go home together. Tease the man on the way. He did that just to be able to close the gap between them. And although Ritsu was always stubborn, and although they end up with awkward silence between them, even those awkwardness, Takano treasured. But since the man's death, there was no reason to use the trains anymore. And ever since, he had been using his car going to work, going home, practically wherever he goes.

He turned on the radio. And decided to take a different route since there was a truck that got stuck in the middle of the road, causing heavy traffic despite the late hour.

With his mind not really into the music, he continued to drive through the bright streets. It was a busy street for kids partying until dawn. A den for sexually frustrated people. A home for the homeless. All kinds of people passed before Takano's eyes as he maintained the minimum speed limit, not wanting to hit anyone like what happened to…he cut his train of thoughts.

Suddenly slamming on the breaks, Takano's grip on the wheel tightened, as his Ritsu…no, the man with Ritsu's face crossed the streets. From inside the car, he can see how the twin brother named Retsu was laughing hard, clinging on to another guy who was supporting him. Retsu raised his hand and pointed at another bar. Clearly the man together with his friends had been bar hopping.

Takano parked his car to a nearby establishment and went to follow the group into a disco bar. He didn't know why he chose to follow Retsu. But deep down, he knew he wanted to get some answers too.

* * *

Being tall, it would be easy for him to spot the person he was looking for. He narrowed his eyes, scanning the bunch of people waving and dancing with the loud music. Who knows if they were high with the music, with the booze or with something else?

"Not interested," Takano hissed as a girl encircled her arms around Takano's. He thought it would be easy, but the swarm of people acted as if they were in a cult offering that they started making a huge circle. With him being dragged behind, hindering him from moving forward.

Hoots and screaming filled the dark spacious hall. The light effects dimmed, and then lit up again, this time focused on a single figure.

Retsu raised his hands pumping them in the air to gather more cheering. "Come on! Louder!" He shouted.

Stepping, walking in a slow manner, Retsu went into the middle of the circle. Still swaying with the hypnotic beat, the already wasted man, slowly unzipped his leather jacket, moving his head back and forth lightly, and threw it on the floor.

"Whoa!" The guys beside Takano screamed. He had to put his hand to cover his about to burst ear drums.

"Hey!" Takano yelled to grab the guys' attention. "What is going on here?!"

The guy smiled sweetly at Takano and screamed back in answer. "This is just an act! Like a service! And mind you, that guy in the middle…He's popular around here!"

With a disgusted face, Takano gazed back in the middle of the circle. Retsu walked towards a guy holding a glass of gin and took it from the guy. Seductively moving in soft strides, Retsu again reached the middle of the circle. His hips swaying, his head thrown backwards, he raised the glass, and poured the gin on his neck, his chest, his entire upper body.

The crowd hooted in excitement. More than the lighting effects dancing on the mysteriously shining, drenched Retsu, the facial expression plastered on his face was the sole reason a lot gulped, tensing on where they were standing. Even Takano, felt the atmosphere inside the hall, grew intense, air of lust succumbed to most of them.

Retsu smiled, raised his slim arms and pointed at a guy who was staring at him intensely from the very beginning. He moved his finger as if calling the guy towards him like a challenge.

Everyone clapped when the guy with a long red hair, walked towards Retsu, throwing his own jacket on the floor. Everyone became wild. They stomped their feet, their eyes bulging at excitement. Takano just stared at the act with mixed feelings.

"Go! Go! Go!" the mob cheered. The hallway vibrated with the screams of the excited animals.

The red hair stopped in front of Retsu with a serious expression. Retsu on the other hand smiled, his lips slowly parting as he started blowing his breath in the tall guy's ear. Still dancing with the hypnotic beat, Retsu danced around the guy, touching the guy's chest every now and then.

Everyone had gone wild when the red hair, suddenly grabbed Retsu's hair, making the man's head move backwards exposing the glistening, appetizing neck. Slowly, the red hair ran his tongue on the exposed neck, tasting the gin. The pecks went deeper, and before everyone knew it, the red hair already had Retsu's wet, red shirt off his head.

Retsu moved backwards, still with the beat, as if teasing the guy to come follow him. Swaying due to drunkenness and playfulness, Retsu laughed and allowed himself to be swept by the red hair and in front of everyone, they kissed. Long, wet, and hard.

Panting hard, Retsu pushed the guy away and like a god of the cult, topless, shameless and wasted, he persuaded the crowd to come join him in his ecstasy.

* * *

Takano grimaced at the time. It was 3 am. And the partying animals were still as energetic as when they just started. When he raised his head to look back at the partying Retsu, he was surprised to find out that he was not on the floor anymore.

"Ah…damn…" Takano searched the floor, bumping to girls, gays and guys. He then took his chance at the backside of the club and he was right, Retsu was there, his back resting on the walls. He was about to move in closer when he realized that it wasn't because Retsu was tired that was why he was resting, but the very same red hair had him pinned on the wall.

The red hair started licking off at Retsu's neck, but Retsu pushed him away, again.

"I am not interested having sex with you so back off!"

"Not interested?" The red hair hissed, with his voice screaming with lust. "After you seduced me on the floor? You cannot say no to me…" he again started pouring little kisses on Retsu's bare neck.

Takano, anger welling in him started walking towards the two. He was angrier at Retsu to be frank.

"You brought it upon yourself you bastard," Takano murmured within himself. But he would come save him anyway since he was Ritsu's twin brother. That was all of it.

He stopped walking amazed. Takano heard a growl and saw the red hair crouching low grabbing the flesh between his legs.

"I said back off, I am not someone you could manipulate you scum," Retsu said, grinning almightily. He just gave the pervert a full blown knee-hit at the red hair's erection.

Staggering, Retsu walked towards the back exit still topless. "Ahh..everyone thinks I am so easy to bed…" he laughed, "Serves him right!"

Takano didn't say anything. He just followed him. Then, Retsu fell on his knees while throwing up. "Argh-…"

The wasted man raised his arm to wipe his mouth, but Takano stopped him by grabbing his wrist and instead, Takano pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket and gave it to Retsu. Squinting, Retsu grabbed the hanky without saying thank you.

"What? You want to have some happy time with me too?" Retsu teased, running a smelly hand on Takano's face, Takano had to move away.

"Onodera!" Takano called out, finding himself uncomfortable. It was as if he was scolding his Ritsu instead.

Retsu slumped on the cold floor. "Onodera? Who's that?" He laughed, "Ah—me? But I am hardly considered as an Ono-urgh…" he threw up once more.

"Fuck, don't drink if you won't be able to hold it well! Stand up!" Takano ordered. The man did. At least he tried only to fall back laughing.

Annoyed at suddenly becoming a baby sitter, Takano removed his grey jacket and wrapped it around Retsu.

"Aww…this act of yours touched my heart mister, you can go ahead bring me to somewhere…do all you want…" Retsu muttered dreamily, "You have my permission."

"Like hell I would."

* * *

Takano sighed painfully, staring at the sleeping face of the man who calls himself as Retsu. He smiled sadly. Ritsu has never been good with alcohol either. But Takano liked it since the man was more honest that way.

The sleepy and tired man lifted his polo off his body and with a can of beer with one hand, he sat in a chair facing Retsu's bed. He decided to take the drunken mess into a hotel instead of his apartment. If anyone suddenly saw Retsu late in the evening, everyone would go hysterical or afraid thinking that he was Ritsu.

Sleeping like that, with no indecent word coming from his mouth, he looked exactly like Ritsu. It was so strange to have to look at Ritsu's face yet it wasn't him.

After an hour, he began falling asleep on the chair and decided to lay down on the sofa on the side of the room. He was already falling into a light sleep when he felt a hand grabbed his arm. When he opened his eyes, Retsu was sitting half naked on the floor. His head resting on the seat, eyes closed.

Takano tried to remove his hand, but the drunk pulled it closer to his chest. "Make me savour this dream longer please…"

Tired, Takano didn't budge anymore. But he felt that way, it was as if he was having an affair already.

"…senpai…you bastard."

Takano's eyes shot wide and his head turned to look at the back of Retsu's head resting on the seat of the sofa with his arm wrapped with the slender arms.

"You're such a liar, and a traitor but I loved you anyway…I hate you and Ritsu the most."

By this time, Takano's sleepiness already dissolved. His every nerve directed at Retsu.

"Saga senpai…you were my first love. When you ruffled my hair when I confessed to you, when you asked me to go into your house finally…I was the happiest…and..when you said you want to hold me…I was so scared and embarrassed I could die. But I did it with you anyway since it's with you," he sighed. "You were my first you know?"

Retsu chuckled. "I guess I wasn't that important… you couldn't even make out the difference. I will hate the two of you because you took Ritsu for me and fell in love with my brother and totally tossed me aside."

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

YEY...^^

SO IN HERE...i wanted to point out that Retsu was the shy guy who confessed to Takano and not Ritsu at all. Muahahaha /

THANKS FOR READING! please leave comments...onegai!^^


	3. Retsu Inside

_hohoho! been ages since i updated this fic ne? well here it is!^^ i hope you will enjoy this too!^^ thanks for dropping by! reviews appreaciated!_

* * *

**The Real Retsu**

* * *

Takano stayed awake for the rest of the night. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't even if he wanted to. His brain was all messed up. He pretended to be asleep when he saw Retsu stir on the bed. He had put the drunken man back to bed when he passed out after clinging in his arm for half an hour.

Takano could hear the rustling of the sheets, and the creaking sound of the bed when Retsu moved out of it. Takano, facing the bed, slightly opened his eyes hidden behind his hair. He noticed Retsu looking at his direction, he didn't breath.

"Senpai?" Retsu asked in incredulity. "Shit…what…how?" Hurriedly, the once brunette who had his hair coloured checked if he was still wearing anything. He had his pants on him alright, and a polo shirt he was not familiar with. And then searched the room for his wallet.

"Argh…it's in the club…"

Takano kept on observing. "What a klutz…"

Then Retsu slowly walked towards Takano lying on the sofa. The black-haired man sighed, before bending.

'Oi…' Takano got caught-off guard when Retsu's hands started groping on his hips, but strangely, he still pretended to be asleep.

"Shhh…" Retsu hushed himself. "Where's the wallet?" Retsu frowned and asked quietly.

Seeing Retsu's face so up close…the similarities were so striking. If you were twins…there would be at least a difference right? Like a mole under the eye or something? Takano was in wonder how the only difference was the color of the hair. Even other twins he knew from childhood suddenly looked a little different from each other when they turned into adulthood. Was he being punished or something?

"Ah!" Retsu smiled when he found some paper bills in Takano's pocket. Slowly, Retsu pulled the paper bills.

"This should be enough," he said wagging the bills on air.

The asleep-pretending guy watched Retsu watch him closely. "Sorry. I've got no money on me." Then Retsu started going for the door.

Just as he was about to turn the knob open, Retsu threw a final glance at the sleeping figure and went towards the bed. Grabbed the sheets and threw it on Takano.

"Don't think kindness will ever repay what both of you have done towards me…" he said in a whisper before finally shutting the door close.

Hearing the door click, Takano instantly stood from the sofa. It was still early morning, about four. The money Retsu took wasn't enough for a taxi, the train stations were still closed. It was somehow irritating for Takano to have to look after someone who looks like his Ritsu, but kept on blabbering he hated them. But if something were to happen with Retsu under his nose...he will never be in peace. It's human nature to be concern with your loved one's relative, right?

Pulling the door open, Takano ran his hands first on his hair to fix some strands. He was about to shut it when he noticed Retsu not far from Takano's rented room standing on the hallway with some unfamiliar group of men.

"How much?" Retsu's voice asked as if just asking for a price of an icecream.

The men who looked like some office workers trying to spend the hard earned money on a Saturday morning after partying and drinking on a friday night looked at each other first.

Tall, with eyeglasses, he placed his arm on Retsu's shoulder and smiled. "Say, 60,000 yen,but we're all going all the way."

Retsu snorted. "Cheap. 80, plus breakfast."

The men laughed. "80, breakfast plus some dance?"

He knew services such as these existed, but to Takano's ears, who heard a dealing first hand, he wanted to suddenly thrash out. And the hotel he even checked into with Retsu a little earlier was a business type.

"The hell. That punk is no way in hell be selling his body in front of me," Takano hissed under his heating breath.

Throwing a smile at the three men before him, Retsu clung to the tall man's arm, making sure of the skin contact. "Deal."

The group started walking away, chatting lively, throwing some expectations here and there. However, before the gang could go any further, Retsu suddenly felt his arm being grabbed backwards, fingers digging into his flesh. And when he looked angrily at Takano's eyes, he just met an equally pissed off eyes.

"You are not going with them. Let's go."

Dragging Retsu along with him, Retsu pulled his arms away and ran back to his customers.

"Don't pay attention to that crazy man. Let's go."

"Would you want to sleep with someone infected with AIDS?" Takano muttered.

Retsu could only gape in disbelief at hearing those ridiculous words. Mad, and confused, he looked at the faces of his new catch and all of them had disgusted look on their faces.

"Ah~ let's forget about this..."

'"Right..." another one agreed.

And the trio, who have gone back to their senses at the mention of something everyone was trying to avoid despite having their happy time, scrammed their way out on site, leaving Takano and Retsu alone in silence.

Heaving in anger, face flushed at mix embarrassment and irritation, Retsu dashed to Takano, glaring with death pasted on his eyes.

"What. The. Fuck. Is. Your. Problem. Asshole?" Retsu's voice was low, his eyes turning into cold, grin slits.

"So you sell your body with not a second thought huh?" Takano leered.

Stomping hard on the floor, Retsu turned his back and started walking away. "Mind your own fucking business, mister."

"Hey you, listen. Don't get the wrong picture here. I don't care whatever you do. Sell your body, your organs, I don't care. Just don't do it, where I can see it."

Retsu just stood there, without moving. A small snicker escaped his mouth that grew into a violent laughter. "Because you see pure, delicate, weak Ritsu instead?" the man brushed his bangs backwards, revealing his face to Takano. "YOU listen to me. You costed me my targets...how do you plan on paying me back. What if someone heard it, and everyone believed I have Aids? You've done a huge damage to my reputation you know."

Takano completely convinced now, Retsu was not Ritsu. Brute way of talking. Reckless way of living. He really should stop being affected by the guy in front of him. "Go sell your stuff somewhere."

"Everyone of you... my family, Ritsu, you...did nothing but to judge and shun me away."

"Could you stop this? Why do you always bring Ritsu up? Let him rest, already!"

"Don't you still get it?! Ritsu, my saintly brother took you away from me! And you even fell in love with him after YOU raised my hopes up! Do you even know the reason why I suddenly disappeared?! Because..." looking a little worried, Retsu looked down on the floor. " I have no where to go! RITSU KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU AND ME! I DIDN'T KNOW HE GREW INTERESTED WITH YOU FROM MY STORIES ABOUT YOU..."

A door slammed open, revealing a half naked man, still wet from the showers. "What the hell are you two yelling at so early in the morning! If you are having lovers quarrel or whatever do it in your room!"

"Shut up you fucking old fart!" Retsu barked, shocking the old man at the disrespect.

"God...youth these days..." the old man sighed, shaking his head as he closed the door once more.

Hearing Retsu tell bad things about Ritsu, Takano walked towards Retsu and shook the guy in the shoulders. "Don't make crazy stories...or I might not be able to control myself..."

A sudden tiredness passed on Retsu's eyes, he slowly moved Takano's hands off his shoulders. "Oda Ritsu, the name I used back then, we talked about books, we killed time in the library because we're the same. My home is only blabbering about how good a son is my brother, while I was a disappointment. I really believe you loved me back then, but I guess...ten years is enough for you to forget me and start a new love. What else could I expect from Ritsu? He's loved by everybody."

Takano just stood there, speechless.

"Well, the past is past. You now love my brother, and I don't care about you anymore either. We're quits."

Takano was in silence. Retsu smacked Takano playfully on the chest.

"Hey...don't look so shocked like that. Oh...but you know...I really live off from hand to mouth so if you miss Ritsu, come look for me and I'll have sex with you. It's easier to imagine your dear that way, right? And I am really skillful on top of that."

* * *

Their second encounter caused nothing but confusion into Takano's already muddled up brain. Everything he was holding on to, they were complete deception. Ritsu would never do such a thing. But what of Retsu?

* * *

His boots sang a rythmic thud as he slowly walked his way back to his shared room in a rundown apartment. He had his hands inside his leather pants, his palms white from his fingers digging on his flesh. He walked slouching, as if a drunkard who had nothing better to do. When he reached the farthest room of the second floor, Retsu kicked his feet on the door twice.

"Coming..." A sleepy voice called out from inside.

Yawning and scratching his chin, Haitani Shin looked at Retsu with a questioning look.

"Have you been crying?"

Irritated at his room mate, Retsu passed by him, hitting Haitani on the arm. "No, I've been laughing so hard." He said sarcastically before throwing himself on the single tattered futon.

"Have you been busted by your customer?"

"Yeah..."

Shin took the blanket and covered Retsu with it. "You know, you really should stop pretending you're a hooker and once they're in the shower you rob them all their money. You might get in jail soon, or worse, you might not be able to get away and end up being raped for real."

Retsu suddenly laughed so hard, tears started forming at the corner of his eyes. He took hold of Shin's arms and looked at him directly in the eyes. "Shin...I even have Aids. Don't you know that?!" He continued laughing.

On the other hand, Shin's expression didn't change, he didn't even flinch at the mention of the disease. Instead, he flicked Retsu on the forehead.

"Yeah right, And I have bird-flu."

Frowning, Retsu rolled to his stomach and closed his eyes. "You're so not fun, Shin, I'm sleeping now."

* * *

Preparing for work, Shin once again pulled the blanket that slipped off Retsu and sighed. There were traces if tears at the corner of his best friend's face. Frowning in worry, Shin brushed Retsu's hair away from his face and pinched Rets's cheeks. "Something did happen you dimwit."

Haitani Shin was Retsu's only real friend. Despite being born in rich family and him being so poor, Retsu has always been nice to him. Having family issues, his bestfriend would always stay in the library watching his inspiration from afar. Shin knew about it. Since Retsu told him everything. But then one day, Retsu came rushing to his rundown apartment crying like the world had ended.

It was the first time he saw Retsu cry that hard and it was a piercing sight to behold. Retsu was funny and strong at the same time, a complete opposite of the timid and composed Ritsu. That was before he realized Ritsu;s true colors. And when his best friend cries, there are only two reasons. Ritsu or his first love, Saga Masamune.

_"What happened now?"_

_"I got disinherited Shin...I..."_

_Shin just wrapped his arms around Retsu, stroking his shaking body gently. "Why...?"_

_"I confessed I am gay. I confessed I am already going out with someone..."_

_All Shin could do was sigh and close his eyes. He knew this coming from the very start._

_"They didn't even let me explain my side."_

_"Wa-wait...you told me you're not going to tell them until yuo graduate from college right? What made you do it so hastily now?"_

_"Ritsu..."_

_"Ritsu?" Haitani repeated._

_"He told them. So I could do nothing but to admit it! I am never denying senpai in front of everybody even if Saga-senpai just laughed when I asked him if he loves me back...i could never deny him."_

_"But Retsu...what now...?"_

_"I'll quit school...then maybe work."_

_"Work? Do you even know how?"_

_"I am sleeping with every guy here in school you know...my parents knew about it...hell knows what else Ritsu have told them. I don't even remember doing such a thing. Why not make it real instead, right?"_

* * *

Ever since, Retsu lived with his best friend Shin. Pretending to be a hooker then robs his clients while they're in the shower and takes off. He left everything he knew; life, school, family, brother but kept on holding to a single thing. That one day, Retsu and his senpai would once again be reunited. But ten years later, Retsu was walking down the streets, saw Saga and Ritsu holding hands together in that cold december. He was shattered completely into pieces.

Retsu has been living a reckless life as a front, to hide his breaking self from the outsiders' view. And Retsu became worse. And Shin was the only witness.


	4. Strokes of Reality

Yoh! err...i am just too absorbed at how Retsu would maybe look like so I made this. I hope you check it too.^^ hehe

mainichiyaoi **DOT** t um blR **DOT** com

whew: that's hard!^^

* * *

**Strokes of Reality**

* * *

When he opened his eyes, the sun was already shining it's rays through the thin curtain of the only window of their room. His head was as heavy as lead as the effects of the booze started kicking in. Nonetheless, Retsu forced himself to move. He couldn't let a single day pass by without making any bucks.

Wriggling off the blanket, Retsu literally crawled his way to the bathroom which was only a few feet away from where he was sleeping earlier. His and Shin's room was just a foot away from everything. One step you're in the kitchen already, one step, living room, one step and the tattered single matress. Retsu already forgot the life of a rich kid. He was now a complete picture of someone who have to work his head off.

If most people work to live, with some vices in tow, Retsu was living his life to work. Work any kinds of jobs.

"Oh my god, what the hell is this face?" Retsu said aloud, seeing his bags on the mirror, not from lack of sleep but from crying. Though he didn't want to admit it. "How can you seduce with a panda face like this? Shiiiiiiiiit."

Wetting a hand towel with the freezing, running water from the faucet, he plastered the towel on his face to reduce the puffyness. And even though their heater in the shower has not been working in a long while already, Retsu makes sure he takes a bath every single day. He knew his only asset was his body, his skin, his appearance. And it didn't fail him ever since he started doing his act. He always managed to deceive perverts, sex-deprive people, gays. But business wasn't always good and perfect. Either he goes home with a black eye, no money or barely escaping what Shin feared.

When Retsu was all set for his day job as a waiter in a small, unpopular ramen house, he ate what Shin prepared on the table while standing. "Onigiri again..."

Despite whining, he finished the four rice balls on the plate. As he chugged down a bottle of water, he noticed a wad of paper sticking out from under Shin's folded shirts on top of their overflowing drawer. Raising a brow, he walked towards it and pulled them with his fingers.

"That idiot...trying to hide these from me again?" scowling, he looked at each of the papers intently. "Water bill, what's this disconnection notice? Electric bill...what the...disconnection notice too? Phone bill...53,000..."

For a moment, Retsu felt his chest was about to burst. It was during these times, that he felt so useless. After Shin got fired from his regular job in a company that got bankrupt, Shin had been working in a Sake brewery in which the pay wasn't enough for them to get by. The money he earned, and the money Shin earned was only enough for the rent. Renting in Tokyo has always been a headache. And since Shin was still eager to get a more high paying job, the phone bill was skyrocketing.

And it was during these times that Retsu gets really into thinking of making his act real.

"...I need a regular paying job...if not...this time... I'm going to do it Shin..." he whispered, almost crampling the papers that served as a leash.

* * *

"HA?!" Retsu couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What? You couldn't fire me!"

"I just did!"

The cramped, hot kitchen made it more dizzying for Retsu. The other workers could only work in silence. It has always been Retsu who had the nerve to talk back with the fat, oily Ramen house owner.

"And why?" still trying to lower his voice. Still trying to keep his hands from poking his boss in the eyes. He couldn't remember ever slacking off no matter how the owner made him work senseless.

The short, fat guy turned around and started paying his attention to the huge pot of boiling broth. "I only took you since I need more help. But my son is back now...so I don't need a hard to manage guy like you in here anymore. And honestly," the man sized up Retsu from head to foot. "having you around here makes my shop look... indecent."

At the last word, Retsu's patience snapped. He pulled the apron off his hips and threw it on the ground. "Fine. Fire me porky. But where's my last pay?"_ I swear you'll go bankrupt soon..._

After hearing a few hurtful words first which he absorbed in his right ear and throw out on the left while waiting for his meager 'last pay', Retsu left the kitchen and stomped his way out the place, only to see a smug face of a man with a fiery red hair standing by the door, leering at him. Now everything made sense.

"Oi, Hideki! Come here in the kitchen!" the shrill voice of the owner called.

Smirking at Retsu, the red hair walked past him, acting all high and mighty. "That's for last night cutie pie..." he stopped at Retsu's side. "But I can still change my mind you know."

Rolling his eyes, Retsu continued to walk his way out the pathetic ramen house. He might destroy the entire place soon with the rage building up in him. The red hair's face disgusted him. The owner disgusted him. But it gave him money. Now it won't. And he knew his problem just got worse.

* * *

Hatori looked at Takano who was totally out of everything since the morning he came in.

"Takano-san...Takano-"

"I heard you...what is it?"

The guy extended a paper bag to Takano, who was staring into space. And the other team members were getting concerned by the minute. The Chief-Editor never allowed himself to be like this during work, except that time. That time when one of their team members, Onodera Ritsu died.

"Ichinose Erika's manuscript just arrived. And Yokozawa-san called in to remind you of the meeting for later at Teito Hotel for the anime adaptation."

Removing his eyeglasses and massaging the bridge of his nose, Takano accepted the bag and placed it on his table, not taking a look at it right away. Not the way he used to. "Thanks."

When Hatori sat back on his chair, Kisa lowered his head, hiding his lower face with a folder before whispering to Mino who was sitting near him. "What's up with Takano-san? He's so strange today..."

"He was okay yesterday...I wonder if something happened..." Mino whispered back.

"You think the red-rose something have anything to do with this?"

Marking a huge circle on the manuscript Mino was holding, he threw a glance at Takano. "Who knows?"

* * *

It was about 4 in the afternoon, after endless of walking and knocking to some establisments, his legs can't go on any longer. He suddenly stopped walking, blocking other people's way and scowled at his misfortune.

"Why is it that when you need a job, everyone just won't acccept you?!"

"Hey kiddo, you're blocking the way," a man in a business suit called out to him.

With a fowl mood, Retsu moved to the side and finally had the interest to scan his surroundings. He was so eager to get a new job that he couldn't remember ever going to this side of the city. It was as busy where he came from, but felt nice somehow. And when he raised his head to read the sign of the establishment before him, he raised an eyebrow, a little humored at the name.

"Marimo Bookstore? Marimo huh?"

"Oh yeah! The new book of Usami-sensei is finally released! I've been waiting for it since last month!" A high school girl giggled, cutting through Retsu's thoughts.

"Oh...I am waiting for a new BL novel though..." the other girl replied.

Watching the two lively girls chat about what they were about to buy, Retsu inserted his hand in his pocket and counted his money. A look of sadness showed in a very short while in those huge, green eyes of his.

"No...it's not enough...besides, we can't eat books..."

Despite having poverty change so much about Retsu, there was one thing he still maintained in him. His love for literature. His love for books. And he'd been following Usami's works ever since. He couldn't buy anymore books so he borrows from friends, or reads sneakily inside the bookstore near their place. Unfortunately, when Usami-sensei's works started to become a nationwide hit, the books displayed were wrapped in a tight clear plastic. He couldn't read freely anymore.

"All the people I knew way back then, they have their own careers now..." seeing his reflection on the glass windows, worn-off jeans and shoes, worn-off once deep blue now light blue shirt, Retsu couldn't help but to look away. "Last night's customers...that 80,000 could have gone a long way..."

Surprised at the sudden turn of his thoughts, and the at the flash of the face he wanted to bury in his memories, Retsu shook his head and started moving on to wherever his feet would take him. As the day came to a close, Retsu felt more and more forced to do what he tried very hard not to do.

"Aww...shit...that sure shook my entire brain!" Retsu muttered, feeling a little dizzy at the impact of bumping into someone in a hurry.

Unruffled like a royalty, Yukina bowed to apologize. "Are you okay? I'm sorry. I'm just in a hurry..." he explained.

Hand on his forehead, Retsu waved his other hand in the air. "Fine...fine...I'm alright..."

"Yukina!" a voice called out.

Lifting up his gaze, Yukina smiled and waved energetically towards the person. "Kisa-san!"

"You're late~" the voice became closer and closer to Retsu's ears who was still trying to steady his whirling sight.

"Ah~I'm sorry Kisa-san..."

Kisa, squinting his eyes at the guy who had his back on him and massaging his forehead, he looked at Yukina questioningly. "What happened here?"

Scratching the tip of his nose, Yukina looked at Retsu and at Kisa. "I bumped to him, I guess...the impact to him was greater..."

_"Duh? No wonder...look how bigger you are!"_ the voice in Retsu's head screamed.

Feeling concerned, Kisa opened the bag he was carrying and took a bottle of water. "Maybe you need to drink. Here."

Without turning to look at Kisa, Retsu finally removed his hand on his forehead and looked at Yukina in front of him then frowned before exiting, leaving the two behind. Yukina's gaze followed Retsu until he can no longer see him. He stood there dumbfounded. His face as if trying to remember something.

"Oi...what is this?" Kisa asked in a flat tone. "Love at first sight?"

"No~ just...Kisa-san...I think I've seen him from somewhere..."

"Ho..." Kisa replied, his brows meeting into a frown. "Come on, let's go...I only have an hour before going back to work."

The two of them started walking side by side. Wanting to hold hands, but just couldn't.

"Onodera...right."

At the mention of the name, Kisa raised his gaze to look at his companion. "Ha?"

"You know the editor of Motou sensei..."

Forcing a laugh out of his throat, Kisa smacked Yukina on the shoulder lightly. "What are you saying? You attended his funeral, remember?"

* * *

It was half past eight. Retsu could only watch in complete boredom the bunch of kids, and otakus cosplay in the Meiji Park. He never liked mangas and animes. And for him, it was strange for people trying to dress up like a certain character which doesn't really look good on a person. But Meiji park was Meiji Park. Otakus all around.

Sighing his frustrated mind, he felt a vibrating against his leg. He fished his old model phone and pressed the talk button, but he didn't say anything.

"Oi? Hello?" the other line asked, again and again. "Tsu-chan...remember the money I lent you...you see my boyfriend..."

"The number you have dialled is not going to be in service forever. Please try your call next year," Retsu replied as he rolled his eyes.

The person on the other line laughed so loud, Retsu had to move his phone away from his ear a little.

"Aww...Tsu-chan...I am just kidding...I see you're in a fowl mood."

"You have a very nice way of starting your call..." Retsu answered, his words rolling lazily out of his mouth. His tired eyes reflecting the bright lights of the night.

"You see, the reason I called you is because of this, I noticed I've been gaining a little weight the past weeks, and you popped out of my mind. You never seem to gain any...so I'm just wondering...my friend...help me..."

As Retsu was looking at the youngsters and at the passing cars, he noticed a man, maybe at his fiftees sitting on a bench across him. And the man was even looking at him. Turning his head on the other direction, Retsu sighed. Sighing have become his habit the past few months.

"You wanna know my secret? Have you ever heard of NEET diet you idiot. If you have nothing better to say, I'm hanging up!" Retsu shouted, making the man who was watching Retsu flinch a little.

"Aww my friend, chill...and here I am trying to give you a little boost. If I am just an owner of a company, I would have employed all the people in Japan...you know that."

Retsu once again looked at the old man. "So, why did you really call me?" _Could it be that..._

"I saw Haitani-kun earlier..."

At the mention of the name, Retsu turned into serious mode. "You work in a hospital right? You...saw him there? What's he doing there?"

A silence passed before them that felt like eternity to Retsu. "Well he fainted in the brewery, I heard from the chief nurse that it is because of over fatique. He told me not to tell you actually, but I am sure you will slit my throat if I didn't inform you."

"Over fatigue?" Retsu repeated, the insides of his ears buzzing. The man across him smiled a small smile at him. Retsu bit his bottom lip.

"Kazu..." Retsu started, staring at the old grinning man across him. Shin falling ill. That was it. For him, that time wasn't the time to be all so caught up with 'body and soul for just one'. He had to do it.

"Hmm?"

"I am going to do it."

Confusion was clear in the voice on the other line. "Do what?"

"To get more money...I'll go all the way...there's a guy in front of me who seem quiet interested..."

A loud noise of something falling from the speaker filled Retsu's ears. "Hoi! Retsu! I did not tell you about Shin for you to do this. Shin would be mad as hell at you, and you...you never wanted to do it in the first place!"

"I need money. More money than I can get from stealing them..." Retsu forced his lips into a smile towards the old man. His eyes, a little glistening but he swallowed everything.

Retsu knew how low a kind of person he was. But at least, he could still give himself some self-respect. Not to mention that he always believed that he should take care of his body, his only wealth, for his loved one. Whoever would be coming next. But that time wasn't the time to be all sentimental. He needed money.

"Retsu...don't do this. You'll really regret this."

Hanging up without a good bye, Retsu stood and walked towards the old man across him. With a cool face and a confident smile, Retsu moved in soft strides.

"Hi. I noticed you keep on looking at me..."

"Oh right...are you free tonight?" the man asked in a deep voice.

For the first time, Retsu felt like he was about to be hanged. But he smiled his usual best smile anyway, throwing his self-respect that won't feed him and Haitani and pay their bills. "I am."

The old man stood and clasped Retsu's both hands. "Really?! I have a job for you...would you be interested?"

"Job...?"

"I always have a hard time looking for willing persons since it takes place only at night to early morning...but the pay is good," the old man said enthusiastically.

'Job during the night...but the pay is good...don't let this chance get away...'

"Oh I am willing to do anything."

"That's great then! I'll explain to you everything once we get there."

* * *

Retsu thought that the old man would be bringing him to some sort of love hotel, or an underground casino where young people were used for entertainment. But instead, Retsu was staring wide-eyed at the huge sign in front of him.

"Marukawa Shoten..." he read aloud. "Mister...here?"

"Yup!" the old man, who was livelier than his age answered.

'The house that publishes Usami-sensei's works...?'

Laughing, the old man tapped him on the shoulder. "Are you that surprised? Let's go the the back entrance. Only the Marukawa employees and visitors are allowed to use the main entrance. Here, this way."

Eyes still fixed at the shining embossed letterings of Marukawa Shoten, Retsu felt a little happy, and relieved that whatever his job will be, he won't be losing his self-respect anytime soon.

"Takano, I brought Sorata to the vet earlier for her check-up. She's all healthy."

"Really? I think she's gotten really fat."

Yokozawa chuckled. "I know..."

Retsu could hear the voices, but he didn't pay any attention to it. And as Yokozawa and Takano was on the last of the steps, nearing the building name's sign, the old man called out again.

"Kiddo! Come on!"

Grinning, Retsu ran, following the old man. It was only Retsu's back that Takano saw.

* * *

Wearing a grey work suit, Retsu listened carefully to the old man's instructions together with his new job mates who seemes to be a lot oder than him.

"Everyone, this is Onodera Retsu...look after him okay?"

The older men smiled and greeted him one by one, and after the pleasantries, they left the two alone in the spacious, room.

"So, Onodera-kun, I am the head of the maintenance section of Marukawa, Daidoji Fuji. Again, nice to meet you. To tell you, maintenance officers come from the agency, but I heard you while talking on the phone. Forgive me for eavesdropping. And since one of my men resigned, instead of contacting the agency for a new man I decided to call for you. I don't want to wait for a week for them to send me a new guy here you know..." Daidoji-san paced the room. "The job isn't all that hard, all you have to do is clean the hallways and the department assigned to you. Clean the comfort rooms too. Can you do it?"

Instantly liking the old man, Retsu nodded, ecstatic at working inside his favorite author's publishing house. "Yes, boss!"

"Ah there is something you have to always remember not to do though. Okay?"

Retsu listened eagerly.

"Never touch the top of any editors' work desk. Let them clea their mess! Okay? There are really some scatterbrained editors that can't work when their stuff have been moved differently from where they have left it the previous day. Can you imagine that? That's kind of freaky and funny!" the maintenance head laughed once more. "Oh you might probably be curious why the cleaning up happens at night?"

"Err..yeah...a little."

Smiling at Retsu, the old man took a folder and waved it in the air. 'Because during the day, it's like doomsday in here! Everywhere, screaming, telephone ringing, people running here and there...total disaster. And the maintenance officers can't do their job properly coz either the editors are blocking their way, or they are blocking the editors' way! Really silly!"

Somehow, Retsu realized it was going to be hard, not the work but keeping up with his boss' energy was the challenge.

"Okay here," the old man extended a paper and a pen to Retsu. "Just fill it out and you're good to go."

Answering the information being asked on the paper, Retsu looked at the boss shyly. "B-boss...would it be possible to be placed in the literature editing department here?" He asked, wishing to see where his favorite novelist's works were being edited.

"Huh? The man that resigned is from the Shoujo Manga editing department. There's no reason for me to put you in the literature."

"SHOUJO MANGA?!" Retsu asked in disbelief.

* * *

"What the hell is up with my luck? Why do I always end up being put to somewhere I don't like?" Retsu whined, pressing the light switches of the still dark fourth floor. Him being the only soul in it.

His steps made a somehow calming sound to his ears as he scanned the dump of a work place. Especially the one at the farthest part of the floor. The tables were full of piles of paper, piles of empty noodle cups, piles of piles of stuff.

"Argh-well...I only have to clean the floors and the hallway...not the table so I guess it's fine."

Starting from the corners, Retsu started mopping the floors. Emptying the trashcans, Retsu grinned. He decided to take a peek at the literature department after cleaning the fourth floor. And then his phone rang.

Retsu frowned at the name and answered the call. "Yep?"

"Retsu...where are you?" Shin's voice sounded so raspy.

"I should be the one asking you that question. Where are you?"

A cough being tried to surpress was very clear to Retsu's ears. "I decided to take an overtime in the brewery, more than that...have you eaten already?"

"Yeah." Retsu lied, his face softening a little. His best friend always, always looked after him, even if he was the one being sick. "Don't over work yourself. You'll grow bald soon."

Smiling at the sound of Shin's laughter, Retsu sat on a chair that seemed to be for the chief. What being at the end of the long table and all.

"You too. Oh...got to get back to work now...the Sake needs some mixing."

_Work? Ah-you really love lying about your real situation_. "Okay. See you soon."

* * *

Humming, Retsu strummed his fingers on top of the messy table. Thinking how nice it would feel to be sitting there, working an enjoyable job. Too bad it was manga editing.

"Ichinose Erika..." He read, looking at the paper bag on the table. Putting the mop he was holding with his left hand on the side, he took the bag, seeing that it was open. He wanted to take a peek at how a manga was being edited.

"What is this?" he asked himself, flipping pages through pages. "This page looked so boring. And this one, the pacing is too fast. Eck...scene is very cliched!"

He couldn't help himself. And on a piece of sticky note he got from the trash, he wrote his comments, with the corresponding numbers.

When Retsu looked at the small clock on the table, it was already three in the morning. He pushed the chair under the table, grinning like stupid and placed the manuscripts back in the bag. Fanning the yellow sticky note to his face, he scanned the cluttered table.

"To whom should I address this?"

Careful with not altering the stuff on top of the table, Retsu flipped through some files. And saw the name. 'Chief-Editor, Emerald Team- Takano.'

"Takano-san huh?"

After, scribbling his messy writing, Retsu stuck the sticky note on the very first page of the manuscript and gathered his cleaning tools. Switching the lights off, and heading towards where the literature editing department was.

* * *

The next morning, Takano came in very early, having to check the recent manuscript that came from one of his authors. Looking tired from lack of sleep, he threw his bag under his table and scanned the floor. He thought he was alone but Kisa came in holding a cup of coffee in one hand and the other with manuscripts.

"Takano-san! Good morning," Kisa greeted, sitting down on his chair.

A simple "morning" was Takano's reply as he started rummaging into his drawer for his markers. But instead, he saw once again the bunch of dried roses he had been keeping and instantly remembered Ritsu's twin.

"I really should forget about that filthy mouthed guy. I am already thrown so much out of my pace...I can't let this go on. Ritsu...would never lie. "

He slammed his drawer shut. He'd throw those flowers later. But for now, he needed some work done.

Taking the manuscript out of the bag, Takano's eyes landed right away to the blazing yellow sticky note against the white paper.

"Oi...Kisa...did you see anyone rummaging into my stuff, yesterday or earlier?"

"Eh...who would want to do that in YOUR stuff...anyway...I didn't see any Takano-san. Sorry."

Frowning at the sticky note. He pulled it off of the manuscript and stared at it long and hard. It says; "This is really boring. Good luck editing this, Takano-san."

Now pissed at knowing somebody had the nerve to mess his stuff, he crampled the sticky note and was about to throw it into the trashbin when he stopped on air. Quickly, he looked at it again.

Somehow, the way the characters' strokes reminded him of someone's hand writing. As if cold water had been poured over him, he just relealized one thing. The writing on the sticky note resembled very much how ten years ago "Oda Ritsu" was written under his name.

Shuffling into Onodera Ritsu's corrections and notes at the end of the last manucript he was editing when he was still alive, Takano noticed, and didn't want to accept. How could he not notice, Onodera Ritsu's hand writing wasn't the same as the hand writing of "Oda Ritsu".

* * *

**chapter end note:** Hello! buwahaha..there's not much lovey dovey part in here ne? hohoho...i just really want to show a day in the life of Retsu, how hard is his hard life and all.^^

MEIJI PARK is where a lot of youngsters and adults alike meet to show off their cosplays. LoL..the weirder...the better! really crowded especially during the weekends.^^

Thank you for reading. ^^ comments appreciated.

Aww...


	5. Bestfriends

**Bestfriends**

* * *

Feeling very sluggish, Haitani Shin raised his left hand, and ran his fingers through his messy hair. Seriously, even the joints of his fingers hurt. He had to think if he just caught a flu or a different virus altogether.

"I wonder if Retsu had eaten breakfast already...that punk..." Haitani had to swallow a laugh when he remembered Retsu trying to make him onigiri but ended up serving, brownish balls of burned rice. Then he sighed, and felt more tired than he was. Thinking about all the bills, and worrying if Retsu was safe every single night definitely added to his present state.

His bed was in the farthest corner of the room, which was being shared by six other patients, only being separated by a light-blue curtain. The place was clean, and properly sanitized, but he still felt uneasy hearing other people's snores or grunts of pain. Made him feel his pain was growing even worse. But at the situation he was in, he couldn't afford to use a single room.

"I should really get back to work..." he said aloud, watching the clear sky from his window. Problematic at the amount he would need for buying the medicine prescribed to him. And even though he was the king of all the broke people, he didn't have any small intention of telling Retsu.

"You have a call. You have a call."

Shin's train of thoughts was cut off by the voice of a chipmunk. Slowly, he picked his ringing phone up from the side of his bed and read the name: Onigiri Prince.

Clearing his throat, he smiled and answered. "Yoh, morning. How's work?"

"Fiinnneee...and you? Still on overtime?" Retsu answered slurring his words like he was drunk. Obviously worrying Haitani.

"Ah-yes. Some of the other workers caught a flu so, we became busier," Shin felt a little funny. He caught a flu, and not them.

"Is that so? Then why don't they just freaking resign from that brewery then? They're being treated like you people are robots. Human rights violation."

Shin suddenly had burrowed his brows into a frown. His throat had gone so itchy he'd soon cough badly and he didn't want Retsu to hear him through the phone. "Retsu, my boss is calling for me. The sake in one tank needs mixing...let's talk later okay?"

There was a long silence that for a moment, Shin thought his best friend already hung up on him. But when he looked at his phone, Retsu was still on the other line. "Ret~"

The light-blue curtain suddenly flew to Shin's face, he closed his eyes in reflex. When he opened them again, there he was, Retsu, phone still on the ears, the other corner of his lips curled upwards, standing at the edge of his bed. His eyes into slits.

"Retsu..." was the only word that Shin was able to mutter at that moment.

Inserting his phone back to his pocket, Retsu stepped forward smiling. "No I'm not Retsu, I am just an apparition."

Seeing an empty chair, Retsu dragged it noisily at the left side of the bed and placed a duffel bag on it, with him still standing up. "What's with this act? Do you feel like a hero doing this?"

"Brewery?" Retsu moved his head to scan the white room, with the other patients peeking from their own curtains. "Mixing? So the brewery now is in a hospital? How convenient."

Releasing the call, Haitani looked at Retsu with a shocked face, the cough he was surpressing disappeared into nowhere.

Realizing that his act had been busted, and he had nothing to do but admit it, Shin raised both hands as if a criminal surrendering. "Sorry. I just didn't want you to worry."

Retsu rolled his eyes, sat on the bed forcefully that sent the entire bed shaking. He had his arms across his chest while staring intently at Shin's pale face. "That same old line from those sickening dramas again Shin? Please...what did we promise each other? That we will tell the other right away if we're about to die, right?"

"I know...I know..." Shin answered, starting to grin. " So we can..."

"CELEBRATE!" the two said in unison and started laughing like two idiots.

The light blue curtain made a rustling sound and both of them looked up. A cute young woman had her index finger on her lips, hushing them. "Just try to be not too loud sirs."

"Sorry," Shin apologized while Retsu was still laughing, burying his face on Shin's bed. Muffled burst of laughter filled the room.

Once the nurse already left, Shin rubbed Retsu's shaking back. "Hoi, enough."

As if a button had been pressed, Retsu sat properly once more and glared at Shin. "I;m still pissed as hell at you. Don't forget that."

Shin just smiled. He felt so damn blessed to have Retsu as his best friend. Life's problems seemed to be nothing when Retsu comes to rescue him from his negativity.

"Oh right," Retsu pulled open the zipper of the duffel bag and from it, took a plastic of green and red apples. "You eat that later, and I also have some of your clothes in the bag, and some toiletries too."

Frowning, Shin threw his gaze at the bloated bag. "Why does it feel like you're already throwing me out of our apartment?"

"I am."

Coming from his bestfriend's smiling lips, Shin gaped at Retsu, searching for any jesting. "What?"

"You're never setting foot in that apartment of yours until you're fully healed. Be nice and obedient here, Shiiin-chaaaan..."

The sick man pulled the pillow under his head and threw it at Retsu. "Hey, stop that..."

"Don't worry about the bill here, I found myself another job. Just focus on getting well."

It has been about more than a minute since the two last blinked. They stared at each other, without moving. Hearing the faint sounds of someone sneezing, snoring, or crying from afar. The bright rays of the sun coming in through the huge window, showering it's rays on Retsu. And it was bothering Haitani that the longer he kept on staring at the green unfaltering eyes before him, the more he was having the urge to turn away and look somewhere else. But he couldn't just yet. Otherwise he'd lose at the staring competition Retsu and him do to settle matters between them. It was childish, but it worked well for them living together for the past ten years.

"Look away already..." Haitani prayed, because if he was the first to turn away, he'd have no choice but to follow what Retsu was saying; stay in the damned hospital, raise the flow of money coming out of their pockets, with only Retsu carrying everything.

Haughtily staring at Shin's eyes, Retsu was a picture of someone who already won. "You're about to cry, just accept it that this time, I win...again." Retsu mocked.

"Shut up," Shin spat, his eyes, already feeling dry.

After two minutes and thirteen seconds, Shin lost. And to add more to the wound, Retsu started poking him on the arm. "Soooo...I won. You stay here, I work."

"But~~"

"Ah stop it!" Retsu placed his hand on Shin's mouth and pushed the man down on the bed. "You know the drill. No buts, buts or I'll kick your butt."

There were some giggles around. Apparently, some of the patients had been listening to the childish antics of two adults on the farthest side of their room, thinking they were brothers.

Now lying on his back, with Retsu's face above him still smirking, Haitani sighed, accepting defeat. "Fine."

Satisfied that he finally managed to force Shin stay in the hospital, Retsu smiled brightly at him again sitting on the bed. "If you're that worried about me working all alone, get well soon. Okay?"

Shin looked at Retsu who suddenly lifted his gaze out the window, his brown hair already visible at the roots of dyed strands. "You haven't had a wink of sleep. I can tell. Go home already. I am not going to break our deal so take a rest before you get sick yourself."

"I am just waiting for someone. Then I'll go..."

After a few moments of Retsu's silence, Retsu slowly lay on Shin's side, almost throwing Shin off the bed.

"Hoi! I'm sick here, you know..."

"I met Saga-senpai."

At the mention of the name, Shin tried to study Retsu's face, but his best friend's black head was all he could see. "And then?"

"And then...I don't know."

Breathing deeply, Shin darted his eyes from Retsu's head to the white ceiling. "How did you feel?"

"Feel?" there was a long pause. "It felt...sad."

Yawning, Retsu closed his eyes feeling relaxed as Haitani started running his fingers on Retsu's hair. "There, there Shin, put more force will you?"

Chuckling, Shin pressed harder. "Somehow, that sounded so dirty."

Retsu laughed back. "I don't care. Just move your fingers harder."

"Don't talk anymore."

"Why? That part is really itchy, you scratch it."

Playing disgusted, Shin smacked Retsu's forehead and continued with what he was doing anyway.

"Oi, oi, could you please stop acting lovey dovey so early in the morning. And even in the hospital?" a tall guy, wearing a friendly smile cut off Retsu and Shin's bonding, when he pushed the curtains on the side.

"Kazuya?" Shin asked belwildered. "You told Retsu about me huh?"

Fanning his fingers on his face, he smiled more. "Sorry, but my loyalty is always with that devil beside you."

Scowling at Kazuya, Retsu sat on the bed and tried to comb his hair with his fingers. "Are you Sadako? Did you crawl your way here from your well? What took you so long?"

Kazuya bowed a little. "I am sorry your highness, but I have to bring my sibling to the day care first, you know."

"Whatever," Retsu said standing up. He stood on his toes to reach Kazuya's ear and whispered. "Look after him. I'm counting on you. Kazu." And lively facing Shin, he raised a brow once more at his bestfriend. "I'll be going now...our deal Shin...remember that!"

"Yes, yes, go already!"

* * *

After Retsu disappeared, the whole room suddenly became quiet, like it should be. Kazuya lifted the bag off the chair and put it down and sat on it, crossing his long legs. Smiling like he knew some huge secret.

"Aren't you being loved so much, Haitani-chin?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? And why did you have to be here anyway, what about your shift?"

Pouting, Kazuya, a long time friend of Shin and Retsu working in the hospital as a nurse just smiled. "Thanks to your evil of a bestfriend, I had no choice but to watch over you for some time. I even had a death threat! How could I not follow him?" Kazuya stared at Shin's face and then he laughed. His already angelic face, brighting more. "I was wondering if I missed something from the chief nurse, and you had a life threatening disease, but as I predicted, Retsu was just over reacting. Boy I am glad he wasn't born into a rich family. I am sure he'd be a frightening tyrant!"

Shin gave a small smile. "I know."

"But him very worked up about you is normal. We can't blame him, he treats you as his own family, that's understandable. He takes care of you, and will kill for you, I can feel that, as long as he could protect his best friend but...Haitani..."

"Hmmm? Why the serious aura all of a sudden?"

The tall guy moved closer towards Shin and twirled his curly, blond hair. "I asked you this question the first time you introduced Retsu to me seven years ago. Have you become gay? Like me? Like him?"

Feeling awkward at the question, Shin moved his gaze from Kazuya to his feet under the blankets. "Aww come on...what's up with the question?"

"Eh, you see, for a guy like me, being gay, I can't stop myself from imagining that something is already happening between you two in the four corners of your apartment. What with you, being a straight, living together for ten years with Retsu and knowing him being gay like me and you're not the least bit disgusted...I just can't help but wonder."

"You're asking me if I have become gay, and is you know, with Retsu?" Shin repeated in a hushed voice.

"Yup." Kazuya said nodding. "Same question seven years ago."

"Kazuya...Retsu is my bestfriend, of course I love him that way...anyway...being gay, being attracted to Retsu...that is just crazy."

Kazuya's brow raised, showing 10000% of doubt. "Eh...been there, said that." Shifting his legs, he narrowed his eyes. "Honestly, you don't feel anything at all, when that little devil walks out in front of you dripping wet from the shower? When he clings to you like a cat wanting for a scratch? When he yells at you and scolds you and when he whines, you don't find anything of these cute?"

Now totally uneasy at how Kazuya was talking about Retsu, Shin frowned at his friend. "Kazuya...don't tell me..."

"What?" the blond guy grinned meaningfully at Shin's face. "Haitani, I find Retsu really cute I could eat him up. But he's like a mini tiger always on guard. Are you blind? The reason Retsu is able to fool a lot of stupid perverts, is because he's very enticing in the first place. Gone are the days of meek preys, something that bites is more exciting."

"I am not hearing this from my friend..." Shin muttered, his face losing its remaining color.

"My only point is, if you by any chance, Mr. Straight Guy, is already harboring feelings of some sort towards our dear feisty friend, step out and claim him as yours already. I'm sure he's the type to stop playing around like a hooker if he gets into a serious relationship. Aren;t you worried about him?" Kazuya rolled his eyes when he saw SHin flinch. "Of course, it goes without saying...Just telling you Shin, be clear with whatever is inside you. Before someone comes in and sweeps him away from your grasp. Don't come crying to me when that happens."

Shin had become quiet as he lay on his back, staring at the ceiling with feelings in a riot.

"Okay, last question, are you willing to be gay for Retsu?"

"This kind of conversation is really draining me...I don't have any qualms with gays, and lesbians...they're people alright, falling in love and such. That's my stand."

Smirking, Kazuya flicked his bangs away from his dark eyes. "Dude, what's up with the novel-like answer? Just yes or no."

Shin sighed from the depths of his soul. "You won't really leave me until I give you an answer huh?"

Kazuya just grinned.

"The same answer seven years ago." And then he turned his back.

"You're so lame Haitani Shin..." Kazuya murmured to air. "I wonder what would it take for you to finally come to your senses."

* * *

_"Oi oi, Haitani, Onodera, is he your lover?" a seven years younger Kazuya asked._

_"Lo-Lover! What are you talking about! Bestfriend! He's my bestfriend I was telling you about before!"_

_"Whoooo...is there a possibility I could have him?"_

_"He's not a toy idiot!" Haitani hissed._

_"Oh...protective, aren't we? You like him...just be real...or I will take him from you...you'll see!"_

_Turning his back at his friend, Haitani' had his hands clenched into fists. "I don't know..."_

* * *

Telephone calls everywhere, fax machine beeping continuiosly, soles of shoes stomping on the floor, heating and rising voices of people. Another day of a mayhem cycle. And the Emerald team was having it hard.

Takano was having it real hard.

"EH? Seriously? All your assistants got an allergy?!" Kisa half screamed, half cried. His author was way out of deadline.

"Excuse me Takano-san, but I have to go to Yoshikawa's place."

Hiding his restlessness behind his eyeglasses and dark locks, Takano remained seated, calmly holding Ichinose Erika's 'boring' manuscript as said by a certain unknown person. His burning, hazel eyes darting from the manuscript to the yellow sticky note he had stuck on the side of the monitor of his laptop.

He wasn't able to sleep a wink last night. Brooding over the discrepancies between his dead Ritsu and his first love 'Oda Ritsu'. His heart was torn into thinking and weighing if Ritsu, was really lying or not. And when he comes to the conclusion that Ritsu was never the type to lie, a black-haired Ritsu appeares in his aching, throbbing head.

Aside from the shock of finding out that Ritsu's handwriting was in no way similar to how 'Oda Ritsu' wrote his name before, he was also annoyed at how the manuscript he just OKed received a 'boring verdict' for the first time, in that glaring Oda Ritsu-like handwriting. And it was irritating the heck out of him. He was in work, he'd in no way, slack off.

Again, forcing his personal thoughts out of his brain, he looked at the annoying yellow sticky note, screaming 'boring' at him. "Who are you?"

Tapping his pen on the edge of his table, Takano grabbed the phone on his side and dialled an extension.

"This is Takano of the Emerald team. May I ask the name of the person doing the cleaning in the Shoujo Editing Department?"

"_May I ask why Takano-san? Did anything go missing?"_ The voice of a woman cautiously asked.

Tapping harder on the desk, his pen soon to break, Takano shifted on his seat, his other foot also stomping under his table. "No...nothing like that. I am just curious. I thought he's familiar when I saw him from afar so I just want to confirm if he really is an acquantance," Takano lied with a straight face.

_"Oh...I see...just hang on a minute."_

After listening to a couple of keys being tapped, the voice of the woman came back. _"Takano-san, the one assigned in the Shoujo Editing Department is...Errm let's see..."_ A click of a mouse button could be heard. _"Ogawa Yuusuke."_

"Ogawa?"

_"Yes. Is he an acquaintance then?"_

"Seems like I am mistaken. Thank you anyway."

_"You're welcome. Have a nice day."_

* * *

There was a loud bang on the table, and the woman who answered Takano's call named Suzuha had to turn her head to her coworker on the other work area.

"What happened to you, Minami-san?" she asked nervously.

"Nothing," the short-haired woman fumed. "I just remembered that piece of shit Ogawa when you mentioned his name to your last caller."

Smelling something interesting, Suzuha moved a little closer to her friend. "Why, what happened?"

"After saying he loved me and all that, he suddenly resigns after I lent him my one month's salary? God~~ I am so stupiiiiiiiiiid!"

Suzuha's face turned blank. "What he resigned?"

"Yes? The other day!"

The woman frantically moved her face back to her own computer and looked for the updated list of staff that she had to check every shift but failed to do so, forgot to do so, that day.

"Oh my..." she said, putting her hand over her mouth. "I told him the wrong name...it's Onodera Retsu..."

Still angry, slamming her small fist on her lap due to irritation, Minami looked at Suzuha with a strange face. "Don't be so panicky...you can just call him back anyway."

Embarrassed at how slow she was, Suzuha called Takano back. But the line was already busy.

"Oh well, I'll try later."

Which she forgot and never remembered again.

* * *

Frowning, glaring at the sticky note, then back to the manuscript, he tsked and pulled the note off his laptop. With a hurried manner, in his neat writing despite the irritation, he ran his strokes.

"Boring? How is it boring when you seem to have no background at manga editing?"

Finished at writing, he stuck the note on top of his table. He was even surprised at how riled up he got with just a short comment from a stranger. In any other instance, he would have ignored it.

Professionally speaking, he wouldn't be at peace until he knew what part of the manuscript was boring. Emotionally speaking, he badly needed a release of tension. And unconsciously, he was hoping that the next morning, there would be a reply.

* * *

**Chapter End Notes:**

Hello! Retsu and Shin's friendship is really deep. hahaha...Good Luck Takano, whatever is instore for you!lalalala..

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT AND THE HEARTWARMING REVIEWS.^^

iT'S really refreshing for me to write this fic..since everyone was so serious in Break Down. Hehehe...^^

*bows*

Ja ne~~~~


	6. Budding Thorn

**Budding Thorn**

* * *

"Ji-san...I think I wanna be a wrestler...I feel so poor being poor," Retsu whined as he stared at the disconnection bills he was holding with his left hand, and his celphone in calculator mode with the right.

The "Ji-san", master and owner of the bar rolled his eyes. He was a man in his fourties, wearing a decent white long sleeves and a smart smile. "With that body of yours? Even a strong wind could knock you down," he knocked on the cold, smooth mahogany top to capture Retsu's wandering thoughts. "And stop crumpling your face like that. That isn't good for my business."

Instead of going to sleep, Retsu just took a bath and headed to his usual hang out. A secret gay bar posing as a wine store on the first floor, but the real happenings going on in the underground sections. There wasn't really a reason why the gay bar was trying to hide itself from the public, just the mere fact that it was a secret place, still only few people knew already adds to the thrill. And that was what most the customers of that bar were looking for.

Brows creasing, fingers typing on his keypad, he, for the nth time sighed. He was sitting on a high stool, his red cap hiding most of his face. And his screaming "the Gazette" black shirt contrasting with the brown touches of the bar. He felt being squished between heaven and earth as he pondered on how he would pay their bills.

"I won't be paid till next week, but the freakin deadline of this stupid water bill is tomorrow..." Retsu blurted out, the heads of the afternoon customers taking a slow drink looked at Retsu's direction.

Smacking Retsu's cap off, the "master" smiled a menacing one at Retsu. "Ono...no one wants to hear you whine in here okay? That bill is not a problem, don't pay it then. That is unless you can stand not having a bath. And besides," he then looked at the glasses of water Retsu had been consuming for the past hours. "I am not throwing you out in here or anything like that, but for how long are you going to be idling in here?"

Retsu picked his cap off the floor and put it back on. Quietly he lay his head on the smooth, cold surface, his cheeks relaxing on it._ "I wish there's a new face I could target..._" he sighed, ignoring the owner of the bar.

The soft jazz playing in the background made Retsu a bit sleepy, what with not sleeping for the last twenty four hours. And as he fluttered his lashes across the room, observing the faces of the men talking softly, he kept on frowning. "They're all regulars...crap."

From his seat, he darted his eyes at the sliding doors, waiting and praying to Buddha that a new face comes in. Retsu's rule was only to target new comers in that bar. That way, he could lure them easily and disappear in the wind. The master of the bar knew all along what Retsu had been doing inside his bar, since there are also rooms to be rented for interested customers. But he never once stopped Retsu from playing the best actor and the thief. He always believed that it was the stupid men's fault in the first place to get robbed by a devil in an innocent-face clothing.

* * *

After a couple of minutes, the doors slid open, revealing a group of young, professional looking men. Their faces a picture of awe as they took in the relaxing yet sensual ambiance of the establishment. Retsu stood suddenly and pulled his cap lower in front of his face. Under Retsu's cap hiding his face in a faint shadow, Ji-san only saw Retsu's excited smile.

* * *

A guy with a babyface sheepishly looked around after they've taken their seats in a wide, table with uneven edges. "Uhm-I never thought that such a place existed in here. And I even buy Sake and imported wines upstairs."

"That's why I've brought you guys here. This place is just...awesome," Fujioka, a regular in that bar bragged.

These group of seven men was having a "goukon" or a get together to meet new friends or in most cases, meet lovers prospect. Only that it was a group of men instead of men and women.

Fujioka who was apparently the mood setter of the group scanned each of the faces of the three new comers he was able to invite. "Hey, where's your other guy?"

"Oh, he told me he's already on his way, just this guy is very busy, but he said he'll be here any minute. Sorry about that."

"Hmmm..." He frowned a bit but smiled again. "Can't do anything about it then, let's start shall we? Master!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Retsu was sitting two tables away from the group that just arrived, pretending that he was busy texting somebody. But in truth, his eyes were expertly scrutinizing the faces of each.

"_Four of them are regulars here, there are three new faces...perhaps they're waiting for someone?"_ Narrowing his eyes, he shook his head sideways slowly, frowning under the cover of his cap. _"Crap...the two looked like they're receivers...no good..._" Focusing his eyes on the last, new face, he suddenly felt hope.  
_"Ah that dude is emitting 'that' aura...I can probably lure him out of their group."_

He bowed his head as he rummaged his pocket for his mint candy. He popped it into his mouth and started sucking on the candy hard. Retsu stood, and slowly made his way to the nearest table, feeling and listening to the group's discussion so he could strike when the opportunity comes.

"So, you're working in an editing company I heard?" One of the regulars asked sweetly.

_"Oi, you stay away from my target, I hope you drown from your drink you squid..."_ Retsu whispered jinxing the poor, unknowing chestnut-haired guy.

Smiling, the guy waved his hand on air one time and sipped his Pelligrino. "Oh...It's not me. I work in a newspaper, our friend who's still not here is the one working in an editing department. Manga I guess...?"

The squid, according to Retsu looked more interested. "Wow, manga editor? I love mangas! Anyway, so you're a news columnist?"

_"Ah-why don't you just wait for the manga editor instead and leave the news columnist alone?"_

Humbly, he placed his glass down and cleared his throat. "Yeah...you could say that."

Another guy cut in. "Oi, don;t be so humble, this is the time to show off dude!" He put his arm on the man's shoulder and faced the regular dudes. "This guy, is the Editor-in-Chief, actually!"

With Retsu's eyes that seemed to have turned into the Yen currency sign, he chuckled. _"Big shot...I have to get this one..."_

* * *

Fifteen minutes have passed, the group was still having a lively chat. Retsu was already getting bored when the guy, his target, excused himself for the men's room. Every nerve on Retsu's body came alive. His cue had come.

Becoming the best in his craft after doing this in the last ten years, the target didn't even notice that there was someone sneakily following him. The way to the men's room was at the end of a narrow hallway, with dim lighting. Candles giving off light to the way, and the incence giving off a dreamy aroma.

"_Alright, this is my chance...I'd wait for him outside and block his way when he comes out..."_

Waiting for the guy, Retsu rested his back against the wall, swallowing the remaining candy whole. His heart was thumping really fast, it always did when he did these kind of things. Suddenly feeling conscious, Retsu tugged lower the collar of his sleeveless shirt to expose more skin. He also licked his lips to make it moist.

He glanced at the entrance on his side and frowned. _"He sure is taking his time, huh...fine, I'll meet him inside then."_

Determined, Retsu took a deep breath and placed his hand in front of his moist lips, breathing out. _"Smells good..."_ he took another deep breath and took a step towards the entrance, only to be blocked by a different man.

Retsu was looking down, with his cap blocking his face. He took a step to the left, the guy did the same. Retsu took a step to the right, the guy again did the same. They did it a couple of times that Retsu was starting to get ticked off.

_"Ah...fuck..._" Retsu irritated, pulled his cap off his head and glared at the surprisingly tall man in front of him. "Can you cut it out already?!" Retsu spat.

The two stared at each other's eyes for a long time. Retsu's face in a crumpled one, the other guy's face in a moment of disbelief. Then a voice broke the unexplained moment, as a hand tap on the tall guy's shoulder.

"So you already arrived huh?"

Turning his head, he got back to his composure and smiled. "Yeah, but had to use the men's room first."

"I see then, well let's go to the table together."

"No it's fine...I have sudden business that came up here."

_"Shit...shit...shit...my chance..."_ Retsu's brain screamed as he watched his target slowly slipping away before his eyes.

The news Editor-in-Chief looked at Retsu who had become a statue glued on where he was standing and grinned. "Ooh...you just arrived but you're already catching some huh? Well good luck then, but at least show your face to them, Mino-san."

"Yeah I will."

* * *

In Retsu's eyes, the imaginary money floating in front of him popped like bubbles as he watched the back of his target get smaller and smaller. When he couldn't see the guy anymore, Retsu placed his blazing gaze back at the guy before him, Mino-san. One of the editors in the Emerald Team.

Mino-san, with his light brown hair and usual smile on his face, he just looked at Retsu.

Frowning, Retsu glanced to his side. _"Is this man a retard? Why is he smiling?_" And started to take his leave.

Before he could make any more steps, Retsu felt being yanked backwards by his shirt, a strong force pulling him inside the men's room and into one of the cubicles.

Panting hard at the pain on his neck, Retsu placed his fingers on his flesh, tracing the burning sensation on his skin grazed by his shirt. "What the hell is your problem?!" He yelled, his voice echoing in the tiny space.

"Just a moment..."

The guy cupped Retsu's face with huge hands, tilting Retsu's head at different angles. "The same, everything the same..."

Now really mad, Retsu slapped the hands away hard, glaring at Mino. "Don't touch me you fuckin' retard."

Mino-san's usual calm face, and friendly smile suddenly changed. His eyes usually in friendly slits slowly revealed deep, blue shades. It was the kind of blue that makes one shiver. And the smile on his lips didn't fade away.

"Now, this is interesting..."

Pissed at the guy in front of him, Retsu took a deep breath and released his anger from his mouth in an upward motion, sending the strands of his hair on his face to move away.

"So are we just gonna stay here like this forever? What is your business with me. Tell me, because if I didn't like it, I swear to your fucking smile, you'll drink this water," the irritated Retsu said in a low voice, pointing at the toilet bowl.

A moment of silence passed by the two of them, hearing an occasional dude use the urinals and then go out. It felt suffocating somehow for Retsu to stand in that cramped area, maintain his distance and be on guard at the same time. He watched Mino cross his arms across his chest, totally relaxed at their situation.

"You were targetting my friend earlier...correct? Say I take responsibility for blocking your way?"

Retsu's glare didn't waver, as Mino-san started slowly inching forward. "How much do you need? 80,000? 100,000? 200,000?"

And when their faces were only centimeters apart, they could already smell each other's breaths, Mino started patting Retsu on the head. "You don't want Takano-san to know your little, naughty secret...do you? Murderer..."

Everything in Retsu's eyes turned black. It probably was better if there were no new faces that showed up in the bar that afternoon.

* * *

**chapter end notes!**

Whoohooot! Finally...I was able to put Mino-san in here. Of all the editors in the Emerald team, I think Mino-san is the most mysterious dude. And I imagine him as a villain type...probably he's a Yandere. Hahaha...okay...so Takano didn't appear here. I wanted to make this chapter longer so I could add him, but decided just to continue in the next chapter so I could point out, that the real thorn here is going to be Mino-san.

Hahaha...Mino-san isn't going to be real nice here...Retsu good luck whatever you did! ^^

Also...for fluff and lemon lovers...lol...it might take a while...because i prefer writing in a suspence, like mystery type way(like in Break Down)...although I am not that good with it either! But still...

*Dancing, dancing...lol...like a bamboo stick. and now my body is aching, aching everywhere. HAHAHAH

please share with me your thoughts regarding this fic. Onegai.^^

Thanks for reading and reviewing! Appreciate your efforts, time and support!*bows* hahaha^^


	7. Shield

_**Shield**_

* * *

_The traditional tea house was quiet at that time of the day. Everyone was trying to rush to their homes. Mothers to prepare dinner, fathers to rest, students to catch up on friends. The whole world revolved in its usual orbit. Except for two. Retsu and Ritsu._

_Finally, the teas being served, its aroma filled the room. It was supposed to be relaxing, but at that moment, the soothing effects of the sakura tea seemed to have not reached the two. Sitting on both sides of the table with Retsu sitting so informally while Ritsu was doing 'seiza', it clearly showed the difference of the environment they grew in. And they only looked at each others eyes, not one gazing away like they were staring at a mirror instead._

_Brows knitting, Retsu took the ceramic and swirled the contents, just looking at the pink petals floating in his cup with a bored expression. He was on his way to his hang-out, when they literally bumped into each other. Ritsu was in a hurry going back to his work after submitting the galleys while Retsu was in a hurry catching up on some new faces in the gay bar. How they ended up in a tea house was a mystery to Retsu._

_After ten years, why now? _

_"R-Retsu...how have you been?" a small voice coming from Ritsu broke the silence._

_One corner of Retsu's lips curled upwards. "Still gay. And you?" slowly placing the ceramic back on the the table he squinted his eyes. "Became gay?"_

_Looking surprised, Ritsu took his cup with shaking hands. "Wh-what are you talking about? I..."_

_"You're as annoying as ever. Stop the act. Weren't you all lovey dovey with MY senpai...huh? Liar?"_

_With a sad face, Ritsu stood from his seat and slowly took painful strides to the other side of the table, where Retsu was sitting. The blackhaired guy only watched his twin brother with scorn._

_Then, to Retsu's surprise, his twin brother kneeled before him and grabbed him into a hug. Retsu's eyes growing wide as he stared at the birds carved on the beams of the room._

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I did to you. I am supposed to be the acting older brother, but I did something terrible..." the hug became tighter. "I'm sorry Retsu..."_

_The well of calmness in Retsu started boiling from under. And his irritation and anger grew as he felt his kneck become soaked by Ritsu's pathetic tears. "What could your sorry change? Damage has been done. I'm outta here."_

_Not wanting to stay one bit in the same room with Ritsu, Retsu stood abruptly, throwing the brunette off balance. His eyes, hidden behind his dark locks, he threw a worried look at his brother, but Ritsu didn't see it. "Pull yourself together...Retsu...pull yourself together' was what Retsu had been telling himself the entire time he stared at his twin brother on the floor who was looking up at him. He hated Ritsu, but he was even more mad at himself to realize that he still love his twin brother._

_At any moment, he felt like he might burst out crying. In all honesty, it was only a mere 'sorry' that Retsu was waiting to forgive everything Ritsu has done. But he didn't also want to show weakness so he just stood there acting arrogant._

_He was beginning to feel sorry for Ritsu...but it disappeared in an instant._

_"Retsu please..." the brunette kneeled once again, his forehead touching the floor. "I am begging you...don't come near Takano-san...please..."_

_"What?"_

_"This is so selfish of me. I know..." raising his wet face to look at Retsu's confused one, Ritsu smiled an apologetic smile. "I am really in love with him. Please don't break us..."_

_"Fuck you."_

_About to explode in feeling mixed emotions, Retsu ran a tired hand on his exhausted face and snickered. "Do you really think I appeared here to have revenge? We just ran into each other accidentally," he turned and started sliding the door open. "I don't give a damn to the both of you."_

_Just before Retsu could go any farther from the tea house, he felt a hand grab his arm. Turning his head at Ritsu, he pulled his arm away but Ritsu just grabbed his arm again. "Can you leave me alone!?"_

_"Takano-san...he...he is still hung up on you. If he realizes that I am not the person he thinks I am...he'd for sure leave me for you...Retsu please..."_

_A laugh escaped from Retsu's mouth. "Then all the better. You'll get to taste the same bitter feeling of being thrown away to rot alone. Serves you right."_

_Yanking his arm from Ritsu's grasp, Retsu started walking away briskly, avoiding eye contact from the people watching them on the street. When Retsu took a turn at a rather poorly lit part of the city, he threw a glance at the huffing view of his twin brother running after him._

_He sighed and continued to walk. He lowered his gaze to the ground, not minding a different voice calling out to him, or to Ritsu? He couldn't figure it out since his heart was also beating wildly inside his chest._

_Gathering the remaining strenght he had in his body that was tired from all the not sleeping he did due to editing, he ran faster. Faster to reach his twin brother. He didn't mind if he bumped into some school girls on the sidewalk. He didn't mind the fast cars running near him. He was on the sidewalk anyway. All that mattered was to reach Retsu and have an agreement, as selfish as it was._

_"Retsu...I am willing to help you...money? Work? Just please..."_

_Running out of patience, Retsu stopped from where he was and faced Ritsu with a death glare. "Money? You are trying to buy me now?"_

_"I am sorry I fell in love with him. But right now...If I lose him...I can't..."_

_Due to emotion, Ritsu didn't realize himself digging his fingers on the flesh of Retsu's arms. His grip was too tight Retsu could feel his skin about to tear._

_"Let go!" Struggling but still trying not to hurt Ritsu, he pulled his arms._

_Occupied by being desperate he dug his fingers even deeper, the both of them almost at the edge of the sidewalk. "Not until you promise me..."_

_The traffic lights just turned green, after an old woman crossed the street. leaving only Retsu and Ritsu alone, playing tug of war. Or tug of life._

_Not thinking anymore, not caring about anything else, Retsu pulled himself free with all his might, pushing Ritsu away from him. Before he even realized it, he had pushed Ritsu on the road of cars speeding to their destinations._

_The two of them felt they were sucked in a world of time, everything felt so slow. The twins looked at each others eyes, their faces reflecting on it._

_"Ritsu..." Retsu gasped, extending his hand to grab Ritsu back. But he only managed to grab on air, as a black car swept Ritsu off his feet._

_All happened before Retsu's wide eyes. His twin brother, landing violently on the windshield. Sickening and nauseating breaking of bones filled his entire being as Ritsu landed on the road, blood splattering everywhere. Another car hit the lifeless body, cutting off his limbs. But both cars didn't stop and instead sped off even faster._

_There were screams all over the place. A shrill scream that called out the attention of many. It was Retsu's screams. He felt his heart tie into a knot, running to the unidentifiable body before him._

_"Nooo...Ritsu...oh my god...oh my god..." a feeling he cannot comprehend started welling in Retsu. He could only cry it out as he gathered Ritsu's body soakedwith blood._

_"Ritsu...I didn't mean..this...oh my god!" He screamed, burrying his face on Ritsu's once beating chest. "Wake up Ritsu...wake up...wake up...this is all my fault..."_

_That time was the first time Retsu realized how to have a nightmare while still awake._

* * *

_Dazed, Retsu remained silently seated at the corner inside the police station. Biting the nail on his thumb as tears continuously ran from his swolen eyes down to his cheeks, to his chin, to the ground. "Ritsu...Ritsu..."_

_"You saw what happened right?" a voice of a man oblivious to Retsu asked._

_Confused, the tall guy looked at the shaking ball of trauma at the corner. "Yes, I was there. I was running after the victim. He was my coworker..."_

_"Mino-san right? We need you to testify. In the meantime..."_

_There was a sound of running steps and when Mino-san turned to look at where it was coming from, a guy came rushing inside. Looking like he was lost himself until he found Retsu sitting like a mental patient, crying his eyes out._

_"Oh my god..." Shin gasped, sitting beside the dazed Retsu as he started wiping the blood off the man's face with his handkerchief._

_He slowly touched Retsu's expressionless face and pulled him in a hug. "Snap out of it...Retsu...snap out of it..."_

_The Chief police officer sighed as he pulled his eyeglasses off the bridge of his nose. "What has the world come into? A brother killing his own twin."_

_With an angry eyes, Shin yelled at the officer. "Retsu would never do something like this on purpose! Shut your fat mouth!"_

* * *

_A swarm of tv stations started gathering out of the police station eager to get some scoop. They waited and waited but no information has been given. The persons involved were directly connected to a very influencial family. The police couldn't just say anything without the family's permission._

_After two hours of trying to bring Retsu back to his senses, a buzz of uproar could be heard outside the police station. Shin and Mino-san who was standing with his back against the wall darted their heads to a shrill voice of a woman, crying and shouting at the same time._

_"Where is he? WHERE IS HE?!"_

_All the police who were sitting had to stand up. The commanding presence of the woman and the man beside her was enough to make every one go tense. Even Shin gulped to the pressure, worriedly looking at the still silently crying Retsu._

_Slowly, the woman walked towards Retsu. Her shoes echoing inside the wide tiled floor. With everyone's eyes watching what's about to happen._

_"Retsu," a cold voice called out to the wretched man._

_"That voice..." Retsu's face lit up a bit, sure that it was the voice of his mother. Their mother._

_With staggering movements, Retsu moved for the first time and stood. Wanting to hug his mother. To share the feeling of losing someone dear to them._

_But only a sound of flesh hitting flesh filled the room. The intensity of the pain deeper than the wound itself could be felt by everyone._

_"Why? Why did you do this?!" Retsu's mom asked accusingly._

_Retsu raised his bloody fingers to trace his cheek, that was still red from Ritsu's traces of blood. "Okasan...I am sorry..."_

_"You disappeared for ten years, and you came back with THIS?!"_

_A rain of fists landed on Retsu's chest as his mother poured her anger and hatred at his other son. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY PRECIOUS RITSU? HOW DARE YOU?!"_

_"Oka~"_

_Another slap met Retsu's still stinging cheek. "I am not your mother! I AM NOT A MOTHER OF A MURDERER! I AM NOT!"_

_The lady was about to collapse when the man, that seemed to be the head of the Onodera family came supporting the woman. "Retsu, leave. Leave now because if anything happens to my wife young man, I'll kill you right here. Right now."_

_Crying at the hurtful words of his father, Retsu looked around at the police officers who had equal confused looks on their faces. "Send me to prison... have me a death sentence..."_

_The father mercilessly grabbed Retsu's filthy shirt and hissed at his son's face. "You never existed. YOU NEVER EXISTED. THIS IS THE LAST THING I COULD DO AS A FATHER. I NO LONGER HAVE A SON. HE'S DEAD. MY ONLY SON IS DEAD."_

_"But Sir!" The Chief officer cut in. "We can't do that."_

_"NOTHING IS GOING TO BE LEAKED OUT OF THIS. UNDERSTAND?"_

_"But...the higher ups..."_

_"I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT."_

* * *

_It was Shin who dragged Retsu out of the station and back into their apartment. He washed him. He tried to feed him. But Retsu was like a living dead himself. No reaction. Nothing._

_"Retsu...don't be like this. It was an accident according to an eyewitness...it's not your fault."_

_He moved his green, lifeless eyes towards Shin's exhausted face. It was 4 am and both of them haven't had any rest. "Shin...I pushed him to his death with my own hands. Accident or not...I killed him. I'm a murderer..."_

_Shin stood and instead sat beside Retsu, letting his bestfriend rest his head on his shoulder._

_"If only I died in place of Ritsu...my parents wouldn't have to make that kind of face. They wouldn't be hurt like this."_

_Running his fingers on Retsu's hair for comfort, Shin sighed. "They just said that in the heat of the moment. Don't ever wish of dying again or I will be mad at you."_

_"If only I listened to Ritsu...if it wasn't for my bastard self, Ritsu should have been..." he cut off, crying and hiccupping again._

_"Shush..."_

_After a couple of minutes, Retsu circled his cold arms around Shin's. A different air surrounding him. "Right. It was Ritsu's fault he's dead."_

_"Huh?" Shin turned his head to look at his best friend. Not sure if he heard him correctly._

_With tears falling from the corners of his eyes, Retsu smiled at Shin. "Ritsu died because he had everything. I hate him. I'll hate him for the rest of my life."_

_Torn, Shin grabbed Retsu against his chest and let the guy sleep. He knew his best friend was trying to make a shield. A shield to stop himself from breaking down. A defense mechanism to be able to move on. It was bad, but if that was what would push Retsu to move on and live, a hatred towards someone who was already dead, Shin would not say anything. Even if he knew deep down Retsu's being, he really love his twin brother._

* * *

Retsu's knees grew weak, suddenly he had to grab Mino's arms for support or he'll fall.

"Oya?" Mino grinned as he held Retsu back on his feet. "Don't lose consciousness on me. I might attack you."

Retsu just looked at Mino's eyes and slapped Mino's hands away. "I can stand on my own now."

"What a cold vixen. Anyway, here." The taller guy snuck paperbills in Retsu's jeans. How much, Retsu didn't know. "That's an advance. Next time we meet again, you're never going untouched. For now, I have to join with my friends."

Mino nonchalantly opened the door of the cubicle and made his way out. Retsu, puffing in anger dashed and and grabbed Mino's hand, slapping the paper bills on it.

"Who do you think you are?! I don't need your fucking money!"

The calm eyes showed the icy colors again that numbed Retsu. "Haven't you been complaining your life out earlier? I wouldn't be so choosy if my bills are piling up and I have a friend in the hospital."

Retsu could only glare as Mino started twirling Retsu's black strands touching his eyes and slowly inserting the money again this time in Retsu's jeans pocket at the back. "That's more than enough for your bills. Why? Because I put a high price on you."

"The hell are you talking about?"

"You've never done it."

Frowning even more, Retsu took a step backwards, running his own hand on his hair as if shaking Mino's traces off the strands. Mino just chuckled.

"I always do it! You bastard," Retsu spat, whatever the "it" was. Still he had some idea what the tall guy was talking about.

"Eh...but I have been watching you for a while now. Didn't you know that? Oh you won't because I am a great stalker."

"You're a creep!"

"We'll play some other time...Koneko-chan..."

Placing both his hands inside his jeans, Mino left Retsu standing like a statue. Retsu not really struggling to accept the money hurt him more. But he wouldn't want Shin to go home in a place where there was no water and electricity.

He grit his teeth as he pulled the paperbills out of his pocket. Just one proper glance, he already knew how much it was. It was even more than what he and Shin could earn in two months.

"All I have to do is never see that bastard's face again..."

* * *

The moment Retsu entered his quiet place, he let out a very meaningful sigh. Coming from the depths of his soul and heart, he was so tired. The empty fourth floor of Marukawa Shoten where the shoujo mangas were being edited by different teams calmed him a little. He was almost late, barely making his 11 pm working time. He was panting like an idiot when he reached the back entrance but he was still greeted by a warm smile of his boss. Somehow, the grandfatherly aura of his new boss soothed him. So unlike his fatty boss at the ramen shop.

"Okay...let's start cleaning, shall we?" He started in a lively voice. But no matter how he tried to shoo the smiling face of the guy he didn't even know inside his head, he still felt sluggish.

Standing in his grey working suit, yellow rubber gloves on both hands, and his mop on his right hand, he circled the room. He just let the tapping of his worn out rubber shoes produce some screetching sounds. And finally he laughed.

"There is no way I am letting anyone sink me back to depression. No way...I am clean. Yeah..."

Cleaning the fourth floor wasn't all that hard and he even enjoyed it. Working in a quiet place with not one yelling behind his back was his ideal. And after about two hours of running around with his mop, he sat on the floor, removing his gloves and wiped his sweaty forehead.

Then his phone rang. He pressed the talk button but didn't speak. It might be rude, but Retsu just wanted to hear the caller's voice first, specially with his friends.

"Yoh Retsu...are you still at work?"

"Uhuh...it's already 1, why are you still awake? Sick people should sleep early," he answered finally, swaying the yellow gloves back and forth.

"Because you never mentioned what 'new job' you're working. And it's 1. What kind of job is that?"

"To tell you my dear Shin...it's a job in a huge, quiet place. It's usually dim, but of course it depends on you if you want to turn on the lights, unless you wanna work in the shadows. It's a good exercise. Makes me all sweaty," Retsu whispered on the phone, imagining the crampled face of his best friend.

"Cut it out, will you? You give me the creeps!"

Retsu started laughing. "But what I am saying is real, dumbass. I work as a cleaner, night shift. You act like that but you've got some dirty brain too Shin. I am disappointed."

"Don't throw the rocks at me. Well I am glad you're fine. But make sure you catch on some sleep. Go straight home! Skip your gay bar hopping."

"Hai...hai...I plan on doing that," Retsu rolled his eyes, remembering again the creepy guy he met in his favorite hangout.

"That's good to hear."

"Yeah, yeah, now that you're sure I am not sneaking into someone else's wallet, please rest and get well soon. You sound like a scratchy CD."

The rude guy as he was, Retsu just hung the phone up without letting Shin voice out his complaints. And preparing himself for his next stop to clean, he suddenly had the want to sit again on that chair.

He ran his fingers on the table first, feeling the cold, smooth surface against his skin. "I am liking this spot more and more."

Grinning, he pulled the swivel chair and sat on it. He brushed his sticky hair off his face and pulled a serious face.

"Hey, how many times do I have to tell you that this is no good? Are you people blind?" he acted. Blushing at his crazy antic, a scene not many could see, he licked his lips and inspected the whole long table. He was not expecting anything unusual, but then he noticed the glaring yellow sticky note, barely visible from a stack of papers on top of it.

"Oh...it's my handwriting there..." he carefully pulled the sticky note and noticed a new set of handwriting not his. "'Boring? How is it boring when you seem to have no background at manga editing?'"

Retsu started snickering and kicking his feet on air, the chair running away from the table. "Oh my god, I just irritated the editor huh?" he said aloud, grinning. "Well it is really boring in the first place."

Pouting, Retsu bit the sticky note as he rummaged a new sticky note he got from under the table when he was cleaning. He took the pen on the table that seemed to have been placed there for his sole use.

"The story is cliche. It's good if it's the drawing really. But for people who knows that first loves never end happily that easily, they'd find the story very stupid," was what he scribbled, adding a mocking smiley face at the corner.

Satisfied, Retsu stuck the sticky note from where he got the previous one and got off the chair, putting it back neatly in its original position.

He hadn't got far from the table when Retsu suddenly felt like vomiting. Knowing he wouldn't make it to the rest room, he kneeled in front of the trash bin he was pulling around and there threw up.

"Oh my god...what the hell...I suddenly felt sick..." he muttered, wiping his mouth with his hand he ran his other hand on his sweating neck. Feeling the strong thumping of his pulse, Retsu lied on his back. It allowed him to breath freely and calm his churning stomach.

He curled into a ball, looking up at the bottom side of the table for a moment. "I really should rush home and sleep...since how long have I been going on about without sleeping. Fuck I feel so bad..."

* * *

Yawning, Takano walked briskly to the elevator, finding it odd himself to go this early. It was the earliest time he ever got to Marukawa. But he couldn't help it. He'd been just staring wide eyed on his bed, unable to get a decent sleep. And instead of wasting time, he figured it'd be better to do some work instead.

When he reached the empty fourth floor, he noticed the lights were on.

Frowning, Takano scanned the floor. None.

"I am sure I closed them when I went home last night..." taking his time towards his table, he shrugged. "Ah...maybe the cleaner...what a lousy one..."

When he was about to reach his spot, his nose crinkled. "What is that smell..."

Throwing his bag and coat on the side of his table, the tall man right away noticed the yellow sticky note. His attention being called by the lopsided grin of the smiley.

He was about to sit, thinking about the meaning of the note when he noticed the handle of a mop resting against the edge of Hatori's table. "This is not normal..."

Takano walked towards the other side of the long table where the Emerald team do its job and he was stopped by a stinky trash bin. He stared harder at the body only from the waist down to the legs could be seen.

Immediately, Takano kneeled beside the body and lightly shook whoever it was. "Oi...Oi..." He poked the guy who was lying on his stomach on the ribs.

"Tsk...Oi...you'll get fired doing this if you don't stand there right now. I mean it."

Still half asleep, Retsu smacked the poking fingers at his side and grunted. "Ah damn it. And I was even having a good dream..."

Raising a brow, Takano stood properly, his arms crossed on his chest as he waited for the sleepy head to get moving.

Retsu sat abruptly, hitting his head under the table. Everything on top of it shook. "Awww...shit..."

Stopping a chuckle, Takano cleared his throat. "Are you awake now? Huh? Editor wanna-be?"

Crawling slowly away from under the table, Retsu crouched massaging the throbbing pain at the back of his head. "Aww...what the..."  
_"Oh shit...the editors are already here? I have to scram..."_

Retsu raised his gaze still scratching the top of his head and smiled his stupid smile to get away from the first editor who saw him. But when his and Takano's eyes met, both stared in disbelief at how fate was playing with them.

* * *

**End notes:**

yey! Update! finally! thought I could never sneak this in my crazy sched! Buahahahaha!

thank you for reading^^review! review! ^^


	8. Oda Ritsu

**hisashiburi minna! gomen...it's been ages since i updated this story...but i am happy for your patience**

* * *

**。。。。。。。。。。。。**

**●●● Oda Ritsu ●●●**

**。。。。。。。。**

* * *

_Who in the world who is in their right mind, would fall in love just because of a simple stupid thing? Call it stupidity of being young, or hormonal imbalances or disruptions...but I fell in love with the guy who always stayed late in the library.._.Retsu thought as he stared at the tall man before him.

* * *

It was a long time ago, it felt like history written in old scrolls when Retsu had his first encounter with his first love. Only it wasn't a normal first love normal teenagers experience. He had all the equipments to be considered as a male. And he fell in love with the same sex. Just because this senpai at school helped him get the book he wanted, he instantly felt an attraction. That in itself was a nonsense. And before he knew it he had become a stalker.

Looking around, the brunette sneakily took the blue book that was just returned by the older boy who helped him out before. He didn't know his name yet at that time. And since he felt like already being a stalker, he decided that the only way to know more about this 'quiet library guy' was to read the book records.

"Saga Masamune..." the teen uttered with utmost care. Just reading the name, hearing the sweet ring of it from his mouth made him feel so happy.

He turned his blushing face towards "Saga" who was currently at his usual spot of the library, reading a new book. In his vision, noone else muttered in the library but just that senpai quietly reading.

_"I want to know him more...I know this is creepy...but I really want to be close to him somehow..."_

Retsu made a huge decision for himself as he stared down at the neatly written name of Saga. _"I will read everything he checked out...I might get something out of it right? His likes...his interests..."_

Like the innocent, brave-about-nonsense things that he was, he lifted his mechanical pencil and with shaking fingers was about to write his name.

_"Just with this...I will feel a little closer to him..."_

The pencil met the crisp paper, he was ready to make the first strokes, "Retsu".

"Hey, Ritsu-chaaaan!"

Retsu paused on his writing.

"Ritsu-chaaaaaaaaan!"

_"Who could that annoying girl be screaming 'Ritsu' Ritsu' in the library?"_ he asked frowning. He was used to being mistaken for his twin brother. It wasn't annoying for him but he was in the middle of a life changing event and for him to be bothered at this kind of time was really a little untimely.

Not long after that, he felt a gentle hand tap on his shoulder. He turned towards the giggling voice with his pencil raised stuck at the top of the book card.

"Hello, Ritsu-chaan! I never thought you'd be the type to visit the library!"

Retsu stared at the cute, petite girl for a while. She was really mistaking Ritsu for him.

"Eh?" the girl exclaimed a little exaggerated. Perhaps in an attempt to look cuter to her crush. "You don't remember me Ritsu-chan? We both took a seminar last week...you even said I can call you in your first name..."

"Huh?" Retsu stared dumbfounded, thinking what must be going on with his twin brother's mind to get this girl's mind interpret things the wrong way.

A look of disappointment flashed by the girl's face for a moment but strangely, she recovered very fast. "I see, that's okay. My name is Oda Yumi, please remember it this time okay?"

The brunette watched the cheerful girl bounce her way out of the library. Apparently she just went in to get her "Ritsu-chan's" attention. Sighing, Retsu focused his attention back to the more important thing for him. He was ready to write the kanji for Retsu when he paused halfway.

_"Oh my god...what if...what if Saga-senpai checked out this book one more time? He would really think I am stalking him...that's...that's creepy..."_

With a frown he erased everything that he had written so far. The face of the girl who approached him flashed before his mind. "Oda?" he muttered. "Maybe I should just use her last name..."

Without anymore thinking he wrote Oda on the card and started scribbling Retsu. "Eh...but that girl clearly is interested with Ritsu...anyway there are a lot of Ritsu in this school in the first place. Better to be safe than sorry..."

And so...the teen who wanted to be just cautious wrote 'Oda Ritsu', instead of his name 'Onodera Retsu'.

* * *

In all honesty, never did in Retsu's mind would come a day that he'd confess. Everything just happened so fast, his tongue rolling the bottled words for a long time all on its own. He felt the most stupid person who ever lived. But he could only blush as he stood before Saga Masamune.

"Eh...ano..." he stammered. He was ashamed, but there was no way he'd take back what he already said. It was perhaps a once in a life time opportunity. The most important thing was that finally he got it out his system.

"You want to go out with me?" the taller boy asked, the quiet library just made the words heavier.

_Eh? He's okay to go out with a fellow guy?_

"Fine...I'll go out with you..."

"EH?"

* * *

Even though Saga-senpai said those things, he was as distant as any stranger to young Retsu. Retsu almost did anything he could to be close with the boy. But there was always a 'stay away' aura around the older boy it was hard for Retsu to break. And lately, Saga Masamune looked troubled, sad and in pain even. The teen just wanted to make things a little lighter for his senpai. He was willing to do anything.

And just as when he thought everything was already going fine...

"Hey, why are you doing this for me?" Saga Masamune asked. He was irritated to see the green-eyed boy run up to him with a book and with all shiny eyes. He was so bright, it was irritating him. Why did Retsu looked like he had no problems like him was making the older teen angrier.

"Eh?" Retsu asked then bowed his head while blushing deeply. "What do you mean 'why'?"

"I thought it might make you happy..." Retsu answered in all honesty.

"...nnoying..."

"Eh?"

"You're irritating me!"

"Huh?"

"I said you're annoying me!" Saga Masamune suddenly burst out it made Retsu all confused. "WHAT IS YOUR DEAL? WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME?!"

Retsu's grip on the book that he was about to show to his senpai tightened, his face couldn't be painted. "Ano..."

"Saying you love'd me when we never even talked! That makes absolutely no sense!"

Holding the book to his chest as if using it to shield himself from the older boy's words, Retsu apologized. "I'm sorry...I..."

"Why are you apologizing?!" Saga asked more irritated.

"That's..."

"Is there something you should be sorry for?!"

Retsu looked down, unable to say anything.

"Maybe you're getting all high off of this, but honestly, I can't follow you!"

"I'm sorry...I just..."

"And to be honest, the whole thing is disgusting!"

Retsu wasn't a cry baby, but he honestly wanted to cry at that time. He knew for himself what he was doing was disgusting and creepy, but hearing those words come straight from the person he really liked made it so much harsher. The reality of him being gay and in love with someone who might never accept him for who he was was slapped on both of his cheeks. It even felt like the book he was holding was smashed to his head.

That was why, when the older teen asked him to leave since he wanted to be alone, Retsu didn't take any second thoughts and ran out of the library. Ran towards home under the dark clouds. It was clearly reflecting the turmoil in the brunette's heart he ran and ran until he was out of breath.

"Tadaima..." Retsu weakly greeted after pushing the huge doors open.

The house was as warm and cheerful as it always been despite the murky weather outside. Love was everywhere in his house. But it didn't make him feel any better for the first time.

"Oh...good timing Retsu, the rain seemed about to fall anytime soon..." The lady of the house greeted his younger son as she flipped through a magazine. "There's snack in the dining area, join Ritsu there...he just arrived as well."

Slowly, Retsu turned to the spacious hall towards their dining area into their kitchen not to eat but just to get water to ease his aching, parched throat. When he entered, the silver and white room glimmered by the lights on the ceiling, Ritsu, the older twin brother was munching on some fresh vegetable rolls.

"Oya...Retsu...why the long face?"

Sighing, Retsu walked towards the refrigerator and got himself a bottle of water.

Sneering, Ritsu rested his chin on the white counter top. "You always go home with a huge smile on your face the last few days, but why do you look worse than the weather outside now?"

"Nothing...really...sorry to have made you worried..."

"Hmmm..." Ritsu looked at his younger twin brother with bored eyes as he watched Retsu drink all the contents of the bottle in huge gulps.

"Hey Retsu...want to play with me? I got the new version of this game we were enjoying last week...that might help you cheer up a little..."

"Game?"

The two siblings stared at each other first then heard the sharp clicking of a high heeled shoes approach the room where they were.

"Ritsu?" their mother started. She was wearing a lacy yet simpe elegant white dress contrasting her black shoes. She stood before the huge entrance with a stern look. "What are you talking about? It's still a weekday. You should be studying."

Ritsu looked down on his plate. "But Okaa-san...I've been studying hard already...just a little..."

"No...Ritsu...you know we have high expectations from you, we want you to get to Tokyo University so you have to be serious with your studies. You can play later."

"I know..." Ritsu mumbled, forcing himself to swallow the piece that somehow seemed to have gotten stuck in his throat. The teen looked at his younger sibling, asking why Retsu had more freedom than him.

"You Retsu? Don't you have any homeworks to do?" the woman asked.

"None...Okaa-san..."

The woman turned her back and left her two sons alone. Ritsu was always the better one in academics. And since the family knew they'd just exhaust themselves from always reminding Retsu to study harder, it just somehow went into focusing all academic pressures to Ritsu thinking the young boy was enjoying it. And Retsu, being the younger one, was being allowed to do whatever he pleased without getting pressured like Ritsu was. Besides, the older one would always be the one to inherit or take over their company. That was just how it was.

Deep inside...despite Ritsu not wanting to admit it, he was jealous of the freedom his younger twin brother was getting. He didn't know it yet but the start of some retaliation was already brewing inside his chest.

"Senpai..." Retsu uttered in worry as he looked out the huge, closed window. The rain had started to pour, its dropplets huge it was making a noise as it hit the glass panes.

"Senpai?" Ritsu asked, not really interested.

Retsu looked around and took the umbrella hanging by the wall.

"Ritsu...can I borrow your umbrella?"

"Hah? You already have yours...why do you need another one?"

"I just need it..." Retsu answered looking out the window.

Sighing, not knowing what his younger brother was up to, Ritsu waived his hand. "I remember leaving it around somewhere in the parking lot. Just look for it."

Running out of their estate, Retsu went out carrying his and Ritsu's umbrella.

* * *

It was making Ritsu somehow annoyed that while he was almost drowning from the pressures of studying, Retsu was as happy as the weather outside. After that rainy night, Retsu came home all happy once more accompanied by a red face he thought his brother got struck with a fever. But he realized Retsu was just happy. And the days after that. He started to wonder what could be the reason for his younger brother's cheerfulness.

Walking into the empty hallways, he was carrying a pile of test papers his teacher asked him to do. The faculty office was just above the the seniors floor and most younger years didn't like going there. The anxiety was stronger when they were surrounded by the much older students they had to act polite and all.

Saga Masamune was out of his classroom about to go to the library since they had a free study period. He was holding one umbrella in his right hand. He was planning to return the umbrella his stalker lent him before going to the library but then he saw the familiar brunette in the seniors floor.

"Hey..." Saga called out. _Eh...Oda Ritsu right? He never really introduced himself to me in the first place...Silly._.." he thought smiling.

He half ran the last few distance between him and the brunette and tapped the shorter guy on the shoulder lightly.

"Ritsu."

Ritsu turned towards the cool voice with a look of surprise. Who on earth would call a guy another guy in their first name?! That was insane. And yet when he looked at the hazel hues looking down on him with a faint smile, he forgot what he was about to say and just stared.

"Thanks for the umbrella," Saga muttered. A faint red on his cheeks.

_Huh? Since when did I lent this guy an umbrella?_ Ritsu asked himself as he looked at the umbrella. It was his alright. And then he suddenly remembered Retsu and that rainy night.

Unsure of what to do, Ritsu sheepishly took the umbrella from the taller boy and looked again at those eyes. For some reason...he find them beautiful.

"See you in the library, I have something to ask you..."

"Li-library?" Ritsu stammered.

Saga watched the shocked expression of his stalker and suddenly ruffled the soft brown hair. "Where else? See you."

Ritsu watched the taller boy walk away from him. His hand unconsciously went to his head where the huge hand of the student who clearly looked like a senior touched. He felt nervous. Because it felt good.

* * *

That afternoon, Ritsu didn't go home early like he always used to. From far away, he watched the senior student, the guy with beautiful hazel eyes and his younger twin brother talk at the farthest corner of the library. The older guy had one of his knees pulled up to his chest. He looked really mysterious to Ritsu.

Deciding he wanted to hear even just a little of what they were talking about, Ritsu hid himself behind the shelf nearest to the two.

"Wanna come over today?" Ritsu heard the mysterious student ask his brother.

Ritsu's eyes widened in surprise when through the spaces of the books he saw his brother's face turn into the deepest red he had ever seen on his brother's face.

'You don't have to if you don't want to..."

"N-no! I mean yes! I would love to go! Please let me come over!" Retsu rattled, standing from his seat.

Feeling suddenly weak, Ritsu turned around and rested his back against the shelf, his hand over his mouth.

"Don't tell me...Retsu...he's...?"

Ritsu looked on the floor, at his feet. He and Retsu had a lot of differences. But there was one thing in common between them. They both liked the same games. And somehow, Ritsu suddenly wanted to know more about this 'senpai'.

* * *

"You...what are you doing here?" Takano asked out of surprise seeing Ritsu's face in their workplace. It felt so unnerving knowing the guy he knew so very well was already dead and yet, he was looking down at the same face with a stupid smile.

The smile on Retsu's face disappeared in an instant. He stood right away and gathered his cleaning tools. "What kind of ridiculous luck do I really have?" he muttered under his breath and turned away. This didn't escape Takano's ears though.

"Hoi!" Takano called out. "Are you following me?"

In a foul mood, Retsu turned to look at his first love, _ex_-first love. "Don't get too full of yourself. I'm already done with you."

Retsu hated it that he stared like that for so very long. He was afraid Saga would see through him. After all, the eyes were the windows to one's soul.

"Ah..." Retsu stopped at the end of the long table, the spot where Onodera Ritsu used to work. "I am no longer your stalker, Saga-senpai. Don't worry."

"Wait. I want to talk with you."

Raising a brow, Retsu cocked his head to the side. "What do we need to talk about?"

"The past, everything up until now."

"Eh...if you wanted to get back with me because you miss Ritsu, I could do that, but you have to pay me."

Takano frowned at the black-messy haired guy throwing a frustrating smile at him. "I want to talk properly."

"Talk? But I have customers later tonight so I don't think I can 'talk' with you."

"Rits-" Takano halted. He was about to call Ritsu. But the way the emerald eyes narrowed at him troubled him for some reason. "Fine...I'm buying you're time. Happy?"

* * *

**chapter end notes:**

thank you and gomen for the long wait.!


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